012. - Karley Sciortino

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Want to make a podcast? Spotify's got a platform that lets you make one super easily, then distribute it everywhere, and even earn money. We like that. All in one place for totally free. It's called Spotify for Podcasters. And here's how it works. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your cellular telephone or your computer. So no matter what your setup is like, you can start creating today. Then you can distribute your podcast to Spotify and everywhere else, those other places that podcasts are heard. Video podcasts are also available on Spotify. And when you want to take conversations with your fans to the next level, Q&As and polls are the best way to get them talking. With Spotify for podcasters, you can earn money in a variety of ways, including ads and... and podcast subscriptions. And best of all, it's totally free. Zero catch. We've been using it ever since we started How Long Gone. And ever since I discovered Spotify for Podcasters, I feel like having the option of turning off the Q&As and the polls on the user dashboard has really helped boost my creativity and take it to another level. I highly recommend giving it a try. Download the Spotify for Podcasters app or go to www.spotify.com slash podcasters to get started. Hello. What up, big boy? Big boy hours now, baby. That's right. We're talking so much, I've got to come up with different nicknames for my dog. You know what I'm saying? No, it's good. It keeps things fresh as we are pummeling them with content. Hitting you over the head with the damn content. Them meaning y'all.

than me y'all y'all y'all the listener um yeah thank you so much listeners let's give a shout out to our listeners we haven't really talked about you guys other than on twitter uh yeah shout out to you guys for keeping the lights on you know what i'm saying i'm just kidding we're barely making any money but thank you guys for listening yeah and we we do have ads and you guys are kind enough to listen to them and you know we don't want to do ads but you know It is a new world that we're living in. Feel free to hit that 30-second fast-forward skip button. We won't make an ad that's longer than that. Speak for yourself. I haven't confirmed that with my attorney yet. Your attorney is not editing these damn five-minute commercials down to 30 seconds. That's true, but my agent will get in touch with you because we've got to renegotiate it anyway. Oh, price went up. Price going up. No, but I do appreciate all the listeners, Jason. I wouldn't want to not take that seriously. And thank you so much for engaging with us on social media. I love engagement. That's really what drives me. That's a driving force in my life is engagement on social media. And thank God you're there for it because you get great engagement compared to me. yeah i do well you know jason it's the difference between being popping and not popping um i don't really know how else you're you're more of you like to you like to do more of a street sweeper style and then i'm more of a calculated sniper when it comes to social media i think that's true maybe that's why we work so well together like we're we're both gonna get to 4,000 likes. You're going to do it in a series of 80 to 75 tweets, and I'm going to do it in two. It is what it is. There's more than one way to skin a big cat. All right. Well, let me get one of our technologists in here, and we'll do a review of who's got the highest virality. She's like one of our technologists. Exactly. You know I've got a technologist on deck. What if somebody come in and really take a hard look at these metrics, and I'll be like, damn.

CB is truly more popping. I'm going to need you to take a look at this, Trevor. Yeah. Can you take a look at my metrics, please? Man, today's a great day. We've had a lot of great stuff happen already. Yeah, I mean, stuff that you want to keep, that you want to talk about now, or do you want to save for when we're cooking on pod? Well, I mean, we should probably talk about Phoebe Bridgers now, because Carly might not care. Yes, Phoebe Bridgers, known CB fan. CB, known fan. She's a known fan of mine as well, I would imagine. She released a new song today. I only looked at the video with the sound off. Wow. I have a problem. I consume almost all of my video content with the sound off. Obviously, a music video with the sound off is useless, but I will look at the video. I don't care about music videos anymore. They're so disposable. But I will listen to her song on Spotify and brought to you by Spotify. That is Kat. But if I'm watching Instagram stories, the sound is always off. I already pre-downloaded her album onto my phone, but the new song is called Kyoto. And the video looks like, I don't know if the video was shot pre or post Corona, but it's very timely because it's like her on a green screen. The video is really cool. The video could have been shot. in a time of core we'll never know and that's sort of the fun that is the fun that is the song the song slaps it looks like she got her little budget up she got a horn section on that joint um and and since chris has worked in the entertainment biz for so long he knows the cost of a horn section um i'm not saying the horn section is particularly expensive but i don't think she had that kind of budget when she was doing a seven inch with with you know ryan adams Now that Connor bag is hitting bigger, huh? Connor bag hitting big. She's getting that. She's getting that. Where's he from? Omaha? She's getting that Omaha money, boy. That's different. That's Midwest money. No one's ever said getting that Omaha money unless it was a derogatory statement. Yeah, it's not going so well. I'm basically just getting Omaha money at this point until my unemployment check comes.

I'm trying to help reframe Omaha in the public sphere. But yeah, that was great news. I did an IG Live yesterday. Yeah, you've been doing a decent amount of IG Lives. I've done two IG Lives. That's not a decent amount. That's two. That's two in what, three days? Well, yeah, but bands was scheduled. That was more serious. And then I felt like I should use my platform for good and promote my favorite bands. Yeah, we're almost up to doing one a day, which you think you know someone. But I support it. I mean, I have done one live stream, and I think I'm doing one in like a week and a half. What live stream did you do? I did one for a friend of mine who does a food podcast. He was doing these five o'clock live thingies where you just... hits up his homies and they talk about food and stuff i mean if it was up to me if i had the resources i would do like a full-on letterman style talk show like have a set and really go crazy and do it every day but obviously that's not going to happen john mayer's already doing it unfortunately so are you saying you got bit by the by the bug the ig live bug i don't think i've gotten bit i mean i think it's sometimes they're good if there's like an actual format and there's like something happening i mean there's two if it's just like two people talking about it's like it's not just like here's two famous people in their bad living room and they're gonna be like isn't it weird how like we used to go outside Yeah, exactly. I mean, the only thing I really want to watch is Pedro and Zach Bia in the fucking mix. That's my shit, boy. And shout out to Tim Coleman, who's also getting his little mix in as well, I've seen. I love it. I love the stupid backgrounds and the whole thing. It's, like, actually fun and pretty funny, and the music's good. That's another example of something that I have watched with the sound off. Because the visuals are that good, bro. Visuals hit. I think Yimio, did Yimio do the visuals for that? I don't know. Maybe. I'm just kidding. You don't know what these creative directors, but I mean, like that's another, like, like I, I will, I will watch that because it will have like funny, cool visuals and it looks like a fun place to hang out and be in. But I know that whatever, like I can watch it with the sound off because whatever, you know, like genuine pony is being played by Zach Bia or, you know, like, uh,

some type of rapper that I've never heard of that is going to be very big someday song. I don't need to hear it. I believe that they dropped, I think they dropped that new Bad Drake song before anybody else did. Yeah, that's an example. Here's a Bad Drake song. Awesome. Bro, that song sucks, man. I only listened to it once and I was like, Drake can do better than this. Come on. In TJ terms, it's un-rinseable, mate. I couldn't listen to that more than a couple times. It is un-rinseable. It is dry clean only. We can't... That's dry clean only. You got to drop that off. It's going to cost $15. That's a drop-off track. You can't throw the tie pot in and just let it rock. Do you think those things happen because he doesn't have... Or he only has like yes men in his camp? I think that he is at this point solely focused on like money and fame and like the success of it all and creativity is secondary. That's what I think. Takes one to know one, huh? Okay, on that note, let's... But I feel like somebody in Drake's posse needs to be telling him like, hey bro, like... Remember these 10 songs that you made? They're all really good and all the lines that you say are smart and witty and are good. Get him some lean. Here are your five sentences that were kind of bad and fix them. That's all you need to do. We need Drake back in Toronto with 40 in the lab with some lean and some weed, bro. That's what we need. Do you think Drake was really doing lean? He was not doing lean. Yeah, of course he was doing lean. It's drinking, bro. It's not like he's shooting up. Like, who can't drink a little lean? It's NBD. I don't think you can say, of course, Drake was doing anything. Fair enough. He might have been a Hollywood sipper. You know what I'm saying? Might have been a Hollywood sipper. He's one billion percent a Hollywood sipper. He might not. We got to call her. We'll put this one on ice. Yeah, we'll put this on ice. Just like my fucking double cup. You know what I'm saying?

We're going to call Carly Serentino. You might know her as Carly Slut Ever. She's a known columnist at Vogue.com. She had a TV show on Viceland, which I can't wait to roast. I'm sure she has some good commentary for that. But she's doing a bunch of other shit. Hollywood. She's a Hollywood person now. And she also was on that Joe Swanberg show, Easy. And I think she had a relationship with Marc Maron on the show. So I can't wait to ask her about that. Oh, that was her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. We're going all the way back to some mumblecore Netflix material. I forgot about that show. It was actually terrible, but every fifth one would be good. TJ, definitely low-key watch that show. We know you did. We know you did. You're a Maren stan. Anyway, let me call Carly. Okay. All right. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian. stateside with kai and carter this is covering a lot of our bases jason it's a it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world and i know you particularly have quite a lot of questions a lot of questions but how often because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot how many times do they do three times a week and i i have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do that's just a guess the guardian is not some billionaire owned They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and that are just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot. Because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? Task rabbit. You need a fucking something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? Task rabbit. Anything you need, task rabbit can take care of it for you. And, I mean, it... How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money.

When life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code HOWLONG. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code HOWLONG with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. Hey, what's up? Can you hear me? Oh, yeah, we can hear you. You're coming in loud and clear. Okay, mage. Oh, my God, okay. Damn, you got a nice-ass kitchen, though. What's really good? Really? Well, this is LA. So, like, my kitchen in New York, like, it's just, when you move to LA, like, things, you, like, feel glamorous, but it's just, like, you live in somewhere that's, like, vaguely, you can move around in it, like, minorly move around. I'll take minor. Also, do you have headphones? Are you just going to rock? I guess I should put in headphones, right? It'd be very helpful for our sound quality. Okay, let me do it. I don't really mind. This happened yesterday where I was interviewing somebody with someone else. This is a great story. It could have been anyone, honestly. And I didn't know how to turn off my camera, so it was just like me. pointing my camera at something else and them having the technological capability to just turn their camera off. It's embarrassing. Well, Jason's the AV team of this podcast, so don't expect much from me. Anyway, so what's up? Okay, sorry. I'm rushing to try and find my headphones. Yeah, I was talking to Ryan yesterday and he was like, I can't believe that you guys have never met. And I was like, I know... Like, about you guys. But I don't think we've ever met in real life. Are you talking about Ryan O'Connell? Yeah. Friend of the show. Friend of Carly's. I don't really know either. But I think that, you know, it happens. Life moves fast. Yeah. I've seen you on Netflix. But never in the streets. Yeah, I've never seen it. I went to your hood and they didn't know you. So, I don't know.

Okay. So you're currently in LA. Do you live in LA full time? I do live in LA full time, yeah. Sick. What hood are you in, if you don't mind me asking? In Koreatown. Got my headphones, okay. Yeah, and where are you guys? You're in New York, right? No, I live in New York, but I'm in Montreal because my girl lives here. Jason is in Glendale. Oh, really? That's nice. Thank you. Nobody has ever said that on this podcast. They say, oh, that's a place. People have been talking about how Koreatown, like how absent it is, is really alarming. What's the scene report like over there? Oh, that's interesting given that I'm not going anywhere else. I don't have anything to compare it to. More people are like, I thought going to the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Sunset Strip would be really weird, but Koreatown was maybe the most jarring because it's always so full of people walking around on the streets and stuff. I live on a side street. To me, it feels the same. What I like about Koreatown, it is the least pretentious neighborhood ever. It's 100% people walking their dogs. in their full disgusting pajamas and people wearing masks before any of this even happened. And then Corona came around. Yeah. How long have you lived in LA? I thought you lived, I thought you split your time. I thought your Instagram bio had an NY and then a plane emoji in LA. Oh my God. If so, that would be sick. It would be really sick. That's why I'm asking. Yeah, I've never gotten there yet. I was a bi-coastal, very high status until recently, but I actually moved to LA officially last month, and I had to move during corona from here remotely. It was one of the worst things I've ever done. I mean, I don't want to say that given that people are going through much worse, but it was very annoying.

You're saying you had to move your stuff from New York cross country to Koreatown in Corona pandemic. In Corona pandemic. This is a safe space to complain about stuff that is not as bad as other people. So don't worry. Our listeners are only coastal elite snobs who can at least sympathize with you. Okay. Well, I didn't even realize we were recording yet. So I'm glad that I've been trying to be so interesting. Oh, we recording. okay so basically yes what happened is i here's my corona sob story so my boyfriend and i were buying a house like right at the beginning right before this happened like we were found this house we're like this is our dream house freaking out we uh won this bidding war we were taking our dog to the neighborhood and walking around pretending we live there being like this is our coffee shop we live here like um and then And then that, as we were doing the, we were in escrow and we were doing all the inspections, that week hit where suddenly in three days, it was just like Tom Holt, Kang says coronavirus, sports don't exist anymore, you know, travel restrictions. And it all happened at once. And it just started to be like, oh, fuck, like everyone's saving, but our savings are evaporating in the stock market. You know, he doesn't feel like he could sell the condo he lives in because his realtor was like, no one's going to be buying anything. Then I have two houses. It just was like. Not the time. Not the time. And it was so sad. And it started to make me realize like, oh, and you know, I don't have a job. Like I can't take on a mortgage right now. I don't know when the next time I'm going to work is realistically. Like maybe this is going to last forever. Forever. Hey, come on. Six months. Well. Did your business manager step in and say, like, don't do this? Or did you have to make that decision yourself? Well, my sort of very liberal business manager was like, it's fine. He was like, if you're going to overpan something, overpan a house. I was like, okay. Fair advice. Sure, I guess. I mean, I love that advice. More so than like a scarf on Grailed.

That's true. Put the raft down, cop the house. I understand. Because, you know, pricing prices are going to go down now. So I was like, aren't you buying top of the market? He's like, you can overpay for a house. But I did not take his advice. But I did have to pay somebody in New York. This is a service. And if anyone needs this, I have the perfect woman. She had to go to my apartment in New York and just manage my move for me. And I FaceTimed her for hours. She went through every single thing in my apartment. And I told her what to pack on, what to throw out. That's a service that I would absolutely spend any amount of money on. That is amazing. She's the most amazing person in the whole world. She manages my friends. She works for the Fed, which is so weird. But just as a side job, she manages Airbnbs because she likes to make money and be organized. You know what? I'd love to make money. Organization, not my specialty. So I can relate on one level. Who puts you in touch with this person? She's my friend's friend. It was amazing. It's literally like that dildo can go in the trash. I don't want that anymore. That chair I need. You don't even realize how much stuff you have. It's so crazy. That's probably one of the most intimate things you could share with a stranger is them going through, like you just said, your... You know, your tax papers and sex toys and like, oh, I don't need that lotion thingy or whatever. Like your most intimate things of your entire life. I know. It's true. And also, I think one of the good things about it is that have you guys Marie Kondo? Yes. No. You have, Jason? I have. I still fold my socks. Like a dumbass to this day. You sell out bitch. What do you mean? This is good growth for me, trust me. I'm not a hoarder per se, but I really like to be surrounded by my stuff. You know what I mean? My Marie Kondo-ing is packing up Supreme t-shirts from 2005 with tags on them and mailing them to my parents' house. You deal with this swag. Yeah.

Mom, take my swag off my hands. I don't do all the condo, but I still organize my closet by color. I fold my socks in a special way. But if I throw shit away, I don't say a few words. I just throw it away. Are you condo house early? Well, I totally agree that it's growth, and I did it. um a while ago and then i was just saying that when someone else is packing your stuff it's that times a thousand because you're not going to make someone dig through the box of old disgusting vibrators you're just going to be like i don't want that anymore you're not going to find the one that maybe you'll use again you know so old faithful is done yeah so i threw out so much of my stuff because i just was like i didn't want to have her to have to dig around and i think then you start It's for the best. And then you start to realize, I don't even think I know what I'm losing. You know how if you're editing, you feel like you can't lose anything on a script or something, and then you're editing it, and then you read it a bit later, and you can't even remember what you took out? Thank you for talking to us. Thank you for talking to us like we're members of the Hollywood committee too. We're fellow guild members. We know exactly what you're talking about. We have to get a scan of your guild card before we publish this episode. So if you could just send that over, that'd be great. But you instantly don't even remember what you were throwing away. And that's a great part about life. Yes, I can put it in podcast editing terms. That's the way your brain functions. I don't even know if you edit this podcast. That's something else I should have asked ahead of time. There's a very light amount of editing only at your request. All right. Otherwise, you just let us pray. Yeah, you got to let us pray. We come into your neighborhood and we spray. But if you name some names, we'll cut it out for you. Oh, no, I just wanted to know if I had room to say anything boring, but I'll keep up. Absolutely not. No, you don't. Absolutely not. This is a fucking marathon. You've got to go all 26 miles. We do three shows a week. These people take what they get. They're animals. They don't have much of a choice. They need entertainment. During this process, what did you find that you had a lot more of than you thought? You were like, oh my god, I did not know I had this. I have to get rid of this shit. During the Marie Kondo? Yeah. Birkins.

Birkin's going crazy. You know what I do, I have a lot of, is just slob clothes, which I think is also a terrible sign of moving to L.A. Like in New York. I had a level of dignity that was not that high. Choose your next words wisely, sweetie. This podcast is always a battle of the coasts, so please continue. Everyone knows that New York be dressing much better than L.A., that's for sure. So much that when I hadn't been to New York in a while and I would go to New York and I would sit in a lunch spot or whatever just to go somewhere totally normal, it would be an erotic experience because I would be like, people here are so beautiful. They appear to have showered today. This is amazing. I know. Do you guys remember going to a lunch spot? Oh, God. I know. I can't even believe I just said lunch spot. I've never said that before in my whole life. But yeah, I hit a wall yesterday where I just had a tantrum where I was like, I miss restaurants. That's the number one thing I miss, for sure. Restaurants and the gym. Yeah, the gym. Are you guys getting fat? Oh, hell. Are you crazy? The only thing I care about is leaving this shit hotter. Yeah, we have not gotten fatter, thank God. But I've been cooking a fuckload. I've been big bacon. Jason's an incredible cook to situate you. So his cooking is not like a cup of noodles. It's like restaurant-level food. And why are you so good at cooking? You've just been doing it for years? Yeah, just doing it for years. Self-taught, off watching Food Network when I was a kid. And then just, you know, cooking up in the lab afterwards. That's great. And then you just probably, I mean, I've seen all these memes like we're going to leave this either a chef or an alcoholic. I mean, that tracks for me too. I've been cooking a lot, which is not something that I usually do. And I really like it. The thing I like about it is that it feels productive, but you don't actually have to think very much.

Yeah, it's good for anxious people who need to feel a sense of completion or like you did something, but you can kind of turn your brain off at the same time and just use the bod. Right, and so I've been doing that more, and I thought that I was going to leave this fatter because it's really difficult for me to push myself. I work with a trainer a couple times a week. I can exercise by myself. To my heart's desire, I will never push myself as hard as when I'm with a trainer. You can say his or her name. Oh, Olive. It's a woman. I'm a female trainer. Do you go to a gym or does Olive come to the crib? I go to a gym. She's a kickboxing trainer. I've been in kickboxing for like 10 months. I'm sure I'll be shit at it when we leave this because it'll be the longest amount of time that I haven't been training. Wow. So how did you come to kickboxing? Did you want to empower yourself or did you just think it was like a fun workout? Sorry, he clearly hasn't met Olive before. What other options are there? Just wanting to get shredded or wanting to be able to kill somebody? There's only two ways it's going to go. That's true. Basically what happened was... Good point. Okay, good point. struggle to find things working workouts that I actually like I like to work out hard but distract like feel like my brain is distracted so I don't realize that I'm working out and I'm also really anxious and I found that um actually hitting something is great for your mental health but also that it's a skill so as I get better at it it actually feels like there's progress versus if you're just running I'm like what is the point of running You're like, what's happened? I feel it's like abstract where it's like, oh, I'm getting better at this thing. It's called a sport, guys. It's a sport. Yeah, I was going to say, let me mansplain this. I've been hearing about sports lately. It's called sports. You ever heard of fucking football? All right. So you get the satisfaction of feeling yourself getting better at this thing that seemed like you would never even be good at it 10 months ago when you started.

Yeah, and it's like rather than just saying, okay, sprint back and forth, it's like, okay, try and kick this thing as hard as you can to knock it over or whatever it is. And then it's like you can focus and try and achieve something rather than just push yourself without a goal. You know what I'm saying? Also, I love the running shade. Yeah, I'm going to defend running just real quick in the court of how long gone public opinion. Okay. I find that I black out when I run. If I get into the groove and the music is hitting, I'm completely lost in my own world. There's a Murakami book about it if you guys want to read it, but anyway. Do not let her get caught in the groove because she will go. Exactly. Today I did eight and a half, nine miles outside, and it's just so much, I don't know, to me. That's impressive, man. I've always ran on and off because my dad's a runner and so has my sister. They do races and shit, but I never loved it. I still don't necessarily love it, but I do like what it does for me mentally. It's a different high. First of all, Carly, I'm also sober, so I've clearly had issues. It's a different high than lifting weights. Could you describe this high possibly, Chris? I would say... And I don't like to throw this term around, TJ, but euphoric. I wouldn't say it lasts too long. It's a 15, 20-minute situation. But then the rest of the day, the way my body feels. Of course, there's aches and pains because I'm older and I'm pushing myself. Obviously, I'm a professional athlete. But just in general, your body feels good. You feel lean and hungry in a good way. I can't explain it. It's been interesting. I've been running a lot during the quarantine because it's obviously the easiest thing to do. So you feel like when it's time to eat your meal, you're like, I'm going to eat a bunch of food because my body needs it and I'm going to feel great versus like I shouldn't have had that one. I wouldn't say a bunch of food. I still substitute bread for rice cakes. But you know what I mean. I know what you mean. That's great. That's so many. How long does it take you to do that? How long did you run today?

It's like an hour, hour and five, maybe. You can just keep running. You don't have to stop and walk. No, no, no. I did. What about a water break? You bring water with you or no? No, no, no, bro. I drink a liter and a half before I leave. I wake up. I have a homemade cold brew that just gets me fucking going like a couple bumps. Then I drink the water. And then I fucking run, man. And you sweat. I don't know. What happens when you're on mile seven out there in the Canadian Rockies and you have to go number one? What do you do? That doesn't happen to me. I've never had to do that. But I do know I was friends with a girl. Suit yourself. I was friends with a girl growing up in the hardcore scene that was a really serious runner and went on to be a professional. And it's very common for runners to have to stop and take shits when doing distance runs in public. Because that's just what it does to your body, I guess, when you're on mile 15. But anyway. We've seen that. You haven't experienced that yet. No, but when I hit mile 15, I probably still won't do that because I'm squeamish. But I guess you don't have a choice, really. If you're running by a Four Seasons, then maybe you'll stop. Yeah, exactly. If I'm turning the corner at Balthazar and I can just hop downstairs, then that's fine. But I don't know if I could just go in the woods. But running, that's what I've found about running. But I think kickboxing, I've heard a lot of people really fall in love with that. A lot of guys, Jason and I know, are in love with jujitsu, which I think is a similar thing that you get good at. You're working towards a goal. Yeah, it really does. I get that feeling of blacking out. Working out has always been... importance for my mental health, but it's always been difficult to find that feeling of being able to forget where you are and what you're doing. That's a really hard feeling to achieve, I think. Without drugs. Yeah, drugs have never taken me there. That's the whole problem. I mean, it's the whole thing. I think what you were talking about before of feeling like where it's different when you're actually hitting something, that feeling you get, I think that type of

working out where you can't concentrate on anything except for what you're doing at that moment is, is like that real mental clarity that you hit only with super strenuous exercise. Yeah, exactly. And also not, and it being challenging enough that you have to focus if you're doing combinations or whatever. Um, it's, I'm really competitive. So, and I was really big in sports when I was younger in high school. That was my, that was my next question. What did you play? What did you do in high school? I played soccer and basketball. I was captain of my varsity basketball and soccer teams. I was an annoying sporty person with a lot of thigh muscles. Did you get a full ride to Villanova? I did not. Unfortunately. Oh, so no full ride. That is unfortunate, but at least you have the quads to prove it. Yeah, I had really thick quads, but it always was about competition for me. Like, I would regularly foul a lot of basketball games because I would just get so angry that I would just be, like, too aggressive with people. Yeah, yeah. So I think... So not a Virgo. Not a Virgo. I don't know that much about, whatever, astrology, but I'm... Libra. Good for you. Is that a competitive one? Couldn't tell you. We don't know either. We just know that we're both Virgos and we're thriving. So we just like to meet other Virgos. Yeah, some signs are rising, but we are thriving. In general. In general. Does quarantine work well on you guys? You know, I'm actually shocked at how well I'm handling it. I thought I would have already had a couple meltdowns, and I've been pretty zenned out overall. I'm not really – I'm like a guy – honestly, I don't think I've been in one place for a month in a really long time. So it's been pretty good, I think, overall. Jason, you're thriving. Yeah, I mean, I would say I'm doing fine. I haven't had any breakdowns, but I was talking –

Which is something I want to talk to you about, about quarantining with your partner versus alone and how that affects sex drive. Oh, right. Yeah, you're an expert. I was talking yesterday with my girlfriend and she was talking about how some of her friends were saying that they were experiencing a lack of sex drive. And it seemed like a through line was that was happening to people who were quarantining with their partner. The alone quarantiners are hornier than they've ever been in their entire life. They're jerking off on Zoom again. Yeah, again. Fucking FaceTime sledding all day. Yeah, I think that, I mean, to steal something that my therapist said, she's like, I think it seems as though everything is increased. Like, it's, there's... it's increased in every direction. Like there's all this research from China that, um, after quarantine, more people got divorced, but also more people got married and more people had kids like birth rates bites too. So it just feels like everything's being magnified good and bad. Yeah, right. Exactly. Um, and then I think that that feels true. I feel like personally I've had swings where sometimes I just have this roaming anxiety. about what whatever it is the future uncertainty money my job and that's not erotic obviously and you sometimes feel kind of gross because you're in sweatpants constantly so it's not even like oh your partner doesn't seem appealing it's for me sexually feeling being able to feel turned on it has i have to feel like good about myself as well and so if i'm like look like gross and i that i can't be into it are you are you are you making an effort to not look gross or is it are you just saying fuck it are you putting are you putting on the mew mew and the product or are you just putting on the sweats i'm just i'm really just putting on the sweats i think i should make an effort really

Yeah. Are you guys putting on pants? What's happening? What did I do? What's happening? I would say that, unfortunately, I run a little hot. So I do like to wear a comfortable short during the day. Jason is known for his shorts wearing because he's very tall and pants are hard to find that have his correct inseam. So we both embrace shorts for different reasons. When it's dinner time, I like to put on a pair of pants and maybe a shirt that has a collar. But I wear those all the time. That's not special for me. You do? Just at home with you and your girlfriend? Yeah, I'll just put on some jeans and an oxford. So you'll do a wardrobe change for dinner? Yes, I'm also showering twice a day. When you guys eat dinner, you're eating dinner at the dinner table and setting it and having a proper meal? Or are you guys... eating it on the couch while you're watching one of your favorite episodes of The Office. He loves The Office. I love The Office. First of all, fuck you and The Office. Slander. Office is a fucking classic, dumbass. Everybody loves it. See, thank you, Carly. Thank you. Team Office. No, no, we eat at the table. Actually, Jason's sidebar, we can talk about this later, but started Party Down, and you're right, it is really good. Great. I had never watched it before. Anyway, yeah, we eat dinner like normal people, sophisticated, civilized. I don't eat dinner on a couch. I don't like that. It's gross. Apparently, you get fatter then too because something my therapist also told me without asking, she was like, don't eat in front of the TV because you eat more because you're not conscious of what you're eating. You don't taste food and you get fat. I was like, thanks. That is true, but also sometimes that is the best kind of eating. Sometimes you need to black out. Dude, food tastes better when you're in front of the TV and also TV is better when you're eating. I don't agree with this, guys. That is big facts, unfortunately. You guys like eating too much. I think that's the issue. True. It's a source of pleasure. Carly, we need to walk through the day. What time are you getting up? Are you getting dressed? What are we doing? I set my alarm for...

10 minutes before you guys called. It was really hard for me to get out. I'm not joking. I was like... What? Noon. Noon? What are you, a fucking teenage boy rebelling? How late were you out last night? I've gotten a late sleep schedule, guys. Were you on Zoom having a cocktail party last night? No, I was watching TV until late at night. What was I watching? Do you consider that part of your job? Oh, no, I was watching these YouTube clips of like people. It was like football players. It was like a matchup of football players doing like crazy catches in slow motion. What the fuck? So you are an athlete. Were you high? I was not high. So you were watching like highlight reels of football players doing good catches? Yes. Jam. At what time in the night was this going on? Like 3, I guess. Okay, I'm your therapist now. You're unraveling. You're unraveling and you need help. 3 a.m. watching ESPN 3? ESPN 3. Bruh, that is, I mean, I like it. You're like my uncle. Do you live in Tampa? No, that was a sick catch. I don't know what's been happening. So basically – Is your partner asleep next to you in bed while you're watching these highlight reels? No, he was completely part of it. Basically what happened was we just watched all of Last Chance U. Have you seen that documentary series? Oh, okay, yes. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. But football was on the brain. Football was on the brain and then watching a lot of – I've been watching a lot of sports documentaries in general for some reason. I don't know why. Cheer, I think, started it. So you're working your way through a lot of gridiron classics right now? Yeah, but it is amazing. Have you ever watched real slow motion clips of football players catching stuff? This is when the edible kick in type shit right now.

This is really when the edible kick in type shit. I, you know, I actually, um, you know, I grew up in the South. So football is in my DNA. Um, and I hate it. And I think that I, I, I don't know if I can appreciate it the same way that you can. So, so just, so this is just a guy slow-mo catching the ball. Good. That's it. No, it's professionals. I know, I know. There's a variety of professionals. Oh, okay. I just meant it's one guy. No, no, no, no. We're talking like an Odell Beckham jump, one-handed, like, in-zone moment. Okay. I mean, that is exciting. That is exciting. What does the slow-mo do for you? Well, they just show it once when they do it, and then it's too fast. So you're like, what happened? And then they show it again in slow motion, and you're like, oh, I can see now. In the DJ world, we call that running it back. oh i might be familiar yeah bring it back as they say run it back yeah thank you thank you no problem and so you guys so you grew up in friday night lights basically um i mean yeah i mean i grew up in in suburban atlanta where football is very important and i of course wasn't a jock and not that i had like issues with it it was always just like this shit is whack to me um and i still i i just don't have any interest i don't sports just following sports just doesn't interest me i guess i'll watch basketball like casually because to me it's the most like athletic um but i don't really it doesn't i don't know i guess growing up it was sort of like you know we don't want to be a jock because yeah i was like punk rock hardcore yeah so then but now ironically you have grown up into sort of a jock yourself chris Yeah, but I consider what I'm doing holistic wellness and treating my body well. It's a little different. It's not macho. It's not jockey. It's more holistic than that. You're trying to get more lean than anything. Yeah, I want to be as lithe and lean and muscular as possible and no gains, which football is obviously the opposite of that. Where did you grow up? Me?

Yeah. I guess, obviously. I grew up in the Hudson Valley, like in upstate New York. Like near the city or like far, far? It's about an hour and a half north of the city. It's near Poughkeepsie, New Paltz, that area. Okay, sure, sure, sure. So you were coming into the city on the weekends to get lit? No, I wasn't actually. Like my parents were really strict. It's a conservative Catholic sort of smaller town. And my parents were really strict growing up, so I would never be allowed to just go on train by myself. I had the earliest curfew of my friends kind of thing. What were you into in high school besides jockeying? Yeah, jockeying, sort of meeting up my thighs. Sort of meeting up my thighs? Working on losing my thigh gap? Yeah, trying to pack my thighs. Um, I was very basic. I have to say like, I remember for my 16th birthday, I got tickets to a Britney Spears concert in Albany and me and my friends, my mom drove me and my friends up to it and we screamed all the lyrics to the Britney Spears CD out the window for two hours when we drove up and all the way back. And in hindsight, I'm just like, I had the best mom. Like that's psychotic that you would do that for your kid. But that was the highlight of my whole adolescence. So yeah, I was pretty basic. And then I kind of hit a wall because I was really good at school. I hit a wall with being basic and I realized I needed to figure it out. I needed to figure it out literally. And then 17, I just became like a drug addict. I went full hardcore other direction. What? What kind of drugs? Like ecstasy and ketamine. Sick. Early ketamine user. Damn. Did you have a British boyfriend? Oh, okay, okay. No, I was living in London. Literally, I lived – it was so – people did so much K there. It was insane. I lived at one point with two K dealers at the same time. I didn't have an option. They still do. Yeah, it's true. It's true. Yeah, it's never waned. Don't worry. Why is that?

Because British people are cooler than us when it comes to nightlife. I think ketamine, when an American says it, it sounds kind of dorky. And when a British person says it, it sounds cool. That's why. Because it's cool, yeah. I think that also it gets there from India or something, right? They have a quicker supply there. Why did you move there? For college? Yeah, and I moved there technically to go to college. I dropped out immediately for the first semester. So I'm trying to figure all this out in therapy, what was going on in my brain. But I think it was just that feeling of – I don't know if you had that feeling of growing up, trying really hard, like type A, school, sports, like being strict parents. Unfortunately, you're talking to two losers. We were quite the opposite. I dropped out of high school in 11th grade. You did? That's cool, honestly. I respect that. I think it's cool sometimes. Part of me really wishes I could be a snob who went to Ivy League college. I feel like those are my two halves. It would be cool if you went back to college, Chris. That would be a great reality show, finally. My calling. Chris goes to Brown. Did you finish high school ever? No. no what did you okay i just i worked i mean i just worked and then i started managing a band and we were successful and that was it what was the band sorry i should probably know that they were called cartel it was like a top 40 like pop punk band in 2005 six seven so i mean it was successful enough to like i was rich for a 24 year old and could afford a lot of coke um but what i'm saying is i you had a c class Nothing to sneeze at? Nothing to sneeze at, but also nothing to write home about. Those are both cartel songs, by the way. No, shut up. That's what I did, but I don't think that I was definitely... I am definitely a type A, but I did not apply that in school. I would say Jason's probably the same way. 1,000%. Never cared much for school learning.

never cared and i i tested pretty well and like could have taken that route if i wanted to and just like could not be bothered chris was there a point in your in your childhood school schoolings where you were actually excelling was there like a grade that you killed it yeah like seventh eighth grade i got asked to take the sat like as a as part of this like program and i did really well on the sat for my age but then i was like sorry guys like have you ever heard a fucking straight edge like this is lame bro i can't be caught dead doing good on the SATs. I'm out of here. Exactly. Which is interesting because a lot of hardcore and punk stuff is pretty literate and it's not like dum-dum culture. At least in Atlanta, it wasn't dum-dum culture. But I was just so focused on this other life that I had that school just did not interest me. My life did not revolve around school at all. That makes sense. Do you think that it's cultural? It's almost like peer pressure to not be good at school because of People you're around value other things. I think there's a peer pressure to be smart and intelligent, but there's a peer pressure to fuck the system at the same time. So I think that it's an interesting dichotomy, basically. You want to be smart, but you have to do it on your own terms. We had to get our own education our own way. Yes, yeah. And you have to make the agreement with yourself that you're not going to have a traditional job or career path that way. Yeah, yeah. That makes sense. And do you feel like now that there is a little bit of, I mean, cause I relate to this in an ego way where that still, that gut feeling still persists. So now if you, you know, when you're successful, you have a cool podcast, people like, Oh, like, where'd you go to school? And you're like, I dropped out of college or I dropped out of high school. Like, is there a little bit part of you that's like, feels like you won? Cause it's like, fuck you. I didn't. I wish I felt like that, but I don't feel really anything towards it. I'm kind of just like, that's just my path. You know what I mean? It's just kind of like, I don't... I think when you're younger and you find success, then you probably get a little bit of that. I was a monster. Yeah, exactly. And you do get a little pride. I'm like, yeah, I did all this shit without going to school. You losers, you messed up. But then I think as you get older, you start to miss some things about going to college or going to school. Well, I think...

You can probably relate to this too, but I think it's just like living any sort of non-traditional lifestyle doesn't feel that edgy at this point. Do you know what I mean? Like working for myself doesn't feel edgy. That's what everybody wants to do. You know, so it's like, I don't think that, but I think 10 years ago, 15 years ago, it felt really edgy. And like, you know, that that's just how things go. I think it's just a trend now to like, no one needs a job. And that there's so many reasons for that, that people don't want to work for a corporation or whatever. But, you know, now it's just everybody's stealing. People are definitely dumber now. People are dumb as hell. That's true. We're trending dumb and that benefits me greatly. But people have been getting dumber since the dawn of time probably. It's true. It's a fact. There's a grid. Well, how did you start writing? Did you just do that for fun or did it turn into something or did you set out to do that? I... I went, when I technically was going to college for like five minutes, I was like, oh, I want to be a playwright. So there was like something there. But then basically I dropped out and I was living in this like squatted commune, which is a story that I probably people are still hearing me tell. But like I, it's basically a squad where you don't pay rent, right? So you live, we live in this sort of abandoned hostel. Yes. We're familiar with that. Okay. You've seen Fight Club. Okay. So. It's, you know, hence living with multiple ketamine dealers. And so I didn't have to work really because my overhead was almost nothing. You had a small nut. Yeah, my overhead was low. My overhead was low. So I decided I was like, oh, I'll start a blog and I'll literally practice writing. This was 2007. So there wasn't any examples of like blogging being a job or bloggers being successful. Like this was pre all of that. It's when I always say like when I first started a blog spot was when the internet looked different. Like it was when people had black backgrounds on their blog spot with pink text on top of it. Truly a different time. I have no idea what you're talking about.

Jason was in the club. He doesn't even remember the internet at that point. My blog spot was thecobrasnake.com. Thank you very much. Oh, flex. Big flex. I was a big fan of the Cobra Snake for sure. Who wasn't? There wasn't that many pictures either. It was very text-heavy. Anyway, so I started a blog to just be like, I'm going to blog about what happens in our squat. practice writing and then squat talk this is a live vlog for a squat so you guys can just follow along it would be like somebody left a skinned goat's head that they bought at the turkish market like in the middle of the hallway like who left this goat head here and it would just be like a picture of it and then i literally post it be like who left this year like that and then for some reason that blog became successful It's a window into a life that most people don't understand. You were focused. It was a focused blog. Right. It was hyper-focused. Squat things. Yes. It's a squat thing. You wouldn't get it. It's a squat thing. And then, of course, I got a job working for Vice from that. Because, I mean, what else would the end of the story be? I would love to make fun of Vice. You legally have to get offered a job by Vice for doing that. Shane Smith has to deal with the devil. He has to give you a job. And then because I was I was I have my vice dealings as well from the very early days. So I didn't unfortunately I didn't turn into a TV show or anything cool. But I was there. He delivered. He delivered the magazines to various record stores around town. I did deliver. I did deliver. I was the Atlanta distributor and then moved on up to working with doing some brand activations in the office and do it basically like doing cope with dudes. But the.

the show, what was your experience with, with vice TV? Because I feel like it, it kind of worked, but kind of didn't in general as a network. Oh yeah. Ooh, hot question. I mean, the thing is like, it's over, it's over now, right? Yeah. It doesn't exist anymore. I mean, yeah, it's, it's like, I have a real love hate relationship with vice. Obviously I worked with them at various points for like, A decade, yeah. I mean, when I said I first got that job, I was probably 20, and I was in London, and I started as an intern, right? And then I started writing. They were like, come, we like your blog, be an intern, which is funny to start with. And then it's like writing freelance, and then by the time in New York when I was doing that show, it was 10 years later, and obviously the company was getting more, quote, corporate at that time. But you're talking about doing... coke like i remember yeah 2000 like did they do coke advice yeah i've never heard about that what is coke exactly it's like it's so funny though with the hindsight of like me too and and everything that's happened in the last few years i was talking like when we in the advice office in the uk we would just I was an intern. We would go out after work. Then everyone would get drunk. Then they would go back to the office, open it up, and we would just go to the office to do coke there. That was very normal. So sick. What a great time. Was the streets really popping at this point, my favorite artist? Yes, the streets. It was like that whole time. The God. It was Gava McGinnis was still going strong, do's and don'ts. But then so Vice went kind of like. serious I would say they were like hey we gotta be serious now we're going to Syria no more dildos or like dildos are still allowed but like you get like pushed down like Syria content like pops up first when you open the app or whatever if I hear about sex one more fucking time we're trying to talk about Palestine like do you not understand

but it was just like, they don't have, they don't want to pay people any money. I mean, the, the, the notorious anecdote is that when you're shooting, they make you pay for your own coffee. So, so that's insane. Like you're not getting paid a lot anyway. Then you, everyone gets a $15 allowance for food every day on set. Shoot days are 12 hours. So for the person, for the producers or whatever, like they're working 12 hour days, everyone else may be a little less, but like, $15 doesn't buy you food all day. And this is not for a little YouTube series. This is for a network television program. Yeah, this is on cable. Yeah, I mean, and you're also, you're the creator and the producer and the star. Is that basically what we're talking about? Yeah. Oh, no, it's crazy. They should have at least given you $45. I mean, if you got three rolls, you know what I'm saying? Cash three checks. No, it's so... I mean, I've never seen a network operate like that, where, like, everybody who used to work for them, when they quit, like, all, like, their hosts or the talent of the shows, goes on Twitter and, like, a media in all caps, like, blasts them. Like, can you imagine that happening at HBO? Just, like, somewhat, or, like, whatever, like... leaves the office and then goes on Twitter and is just like, fuck ABC or whatever. Larry David on Twitter telling HBO CEO to fuck himself. It's just part of the culture now. How many seasons did you do? We did two. My contact was over and then the network imploded. there wasn't like a talk about doing another one. How, how did it, did it get the implosion? So we did not renegotiate because the network actually folded. So it was, it was an unfortunate set. Do you have any money that we could have? You guys got any cash? Um, did, so I guess, did you see, cause it was the thing about vice, the thing about vice as a network is that as a,

as a member that identifies with Gen X, I have cable, but if you didn't have cable, it was, you could watch it online, but it wasn't like being on TV the way like being on a sitcom is being on TV. Yeah, no, totally. Like this is, this is not a joke and it's not funny either. I feel like I will laugh though. People would be like, we would interview people in the show and they'd be like, where can I find, where can I watch it? And I would be like, Okay. Like, it's so common. You're like, bitch, I wish I knew. Can you download, you need to download this app and then enter this code and then we'll send you a survey. Exactly. It's hard to find the fucking show. Like, it is. I mean, now you can watch it if you go on, it's on Amazon, so you can go buy it. That's nice. That's nice. But did you see, did you, I guess what I'm asking is like, obviously I was aware of you before that because, you know, you're speaking to me in some ways. And then. but, but did you see like fame happen? Like, did it, did it like, did something happen or was it just kind of like, I have a job now where I'm on TV? Oh, um, definitely. I think that the demographic expanded a little bit. Like that, that's what I did notice because usually, you know, like I always send stuff on YouTube and there would be like the sort of the audience you would guess, like teen girls and girls in their twenties would be like, I really like your book sometimes. Right. But then what was so weird is that the, Audience of Viceland was primarily middle-aged men. I want to see Eddie Wong make some spicy shit. I know. Literally, my dad. My dad loves Viceland. He mourns a lot of Viceland and nothing to do with me. Matty Matheson is sick. You're cool, too, though. You're cool, too, though, man. Thanks, dude. Thanks, dude. Thanks, dad. Thanks, dad. But sometimes I would get a construction worker dude just be like, hey, I really like your stuff. And I was like, that's cool. That honestly makes me feel cool. Do you think it opened up? I mean, it did open up opportunities. Can I buy photos of your feet? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. No, I need both. How much for both? It's a package. Do you think it opened up doors, though? I mean, it was definitely worth doing from a career standpoint.

Totally. Did you become friends with celebrities is what we were asking you. Celebrities. No, honestly. Yeah. It's like Quentin Tarantino DM you, you know, stuff like that. He did not. Let's see. Oh, one time. Miranda July tweeted at me that she likes my show. Does that count? We're hoping a little bigger than that. I'll take it, but Chris isn't in love with it. We'll say that. I'm not in love with it. I don't fuck with Portland celebrities. She looks like Matt Washington, I think. I've seen her there. Matt Washington is basically Portland, so I'm not going there. I will agree with that. Also, Jason and I were talking before this, and I would love to talk about your your role on the, the Joe Swanberg Netflix show. Oh yeah. Because we both saw that and kind of forgot about it until today. Um, and I think that what was that experience? Did you like doing it or cause that shows kind of weird where every episode is totally different is, is the whole point, correct? Yeah, that was so, so fun. So it's like a, it's an anthology series on Netflix called easy. There was three seasons. So I just did. Oh, it's called an anthology. It's called an anthology. I've never heard that term before. Yeah. It's like one of an anthology series is when like the, it's like, so is high maintenance is technically one. Okay. So each episodes are about different characters. So I was just like in one of the main characters in just one of the episodes of a longer series. But, um, it was so fun because just, that was one of my favorite shows. The reason I was on the show is because I'm friends with the guy who made it. I'm not usually an actor, but, um, that show is so good, I think. And I, It's basically primarily about sexuality and relationships, I would say. It's about people living in Chicago and just their lives in a similar way to how High Maintenance is about different characters of people living in New York. But what I think that both of those shows do so well is that you feel so invested in these characters' lives, even though they're getting only 25 minutes of screen time. You're crying. You care so much about them. Some shows fail to do that.

in 10 hour long episodes yeah yeah yeah no you're right i i thought i agree with that and i mean high maintenance is like pretty at this point considered like one of the best shows on tv i think generally by a lot of people um but that format i think is a little confusing for maybe the regular ass bro you know what i mean because it's like i like i i liked um that what's i'm sorry what's it called again i just forgot the name of the show easy easy yeah i liked easy um but even i had a tough time like i would want more from some people uh and i wasn't getting it you know what i'm saying like but i know that's also the whole point there are there are pros and cons to an anthology series you you you find one yeah like one episode of of high maintenance and you you're like i love these characters i never want them to go away and then they go away true or deep jason easy but you were you were good on it and you were in it with with podcast god mark maron correct yes oh my god but we didn't um meet then i have since met him at a party and like did that thing where i was like which is true this is true but like what do you mean you didn't meet him What did you say? What do you mean you didn't meet him? I didn't meet him, like, on set. Like, it wasn't like we were shooting together. Yeah, they were different, but it was the same episode. Yeah. Got it, got it, got it, got it. But, like, I met him and I was like, I just think that you were so good. I think you're such a great actor. You're so good on Easy, which I do think is true. But, like, you know when you're like, I'm complimenting for someone for the thing that they don't usually get complimented for, and I feel like I'm very aware of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I understand. I really think he's such a good actor. I like him more as an actor than I do a person. I think he needs the right role and he can be a good actor. Well, apparently the wrestling show is fucking popping. People love that shit. Yeah, that's not my thing, I would think. Not my thing. I've never watched it. I don't believe women should wrestle either. Thank you, Jason. I love when Jason gets political on this podcast. This doesn't suit them.

What are you doing now? I know you wrote something else, correct? Yeah, well, guys, okay, I have to say. Other than filing for unemployment, what are you up to? I'm always embarrassed to say this because I just feel like this is maybe what every person is saying, but I am producing a podcast, which is a podcast miniseries, which is about love stories, like love and sex stories of people specifically. now and while in quarantine damn you're really fuck did somebody somebody paid you for yours that's the difference nah mate i'm doing it all by myself i tried to sell it more of that by the way thank you yeah more of that that's how we talk off pod nah mate so you're saying that that you a hollywood connected director writer and actress can't even get a podcast funded in this climate i don't think anyone can Well, first of all, I think we just took a few networks and then they were kind of like, cool, so it's going to stop right before it can really pick up steam and make any money? No, thank you. Also, apparently, people aren't really listening to the podcast as much right now. I would have thought the opposite. Did you know that? Our numbers are not reflecting that lie, but maybe some of these other little podcasts aren't doing numbers. Some podcast formats have been thriving and many have been... not thriving. Two white guys bullshitting, thriving. News, not thriving. News is thriving. Certain formats like that, news and corona updates and stuff like that, is thriving. Podcasts about sports, obviously not thriving so much because there are no sports. Podcasts, true crime stuff, people don't want to hear about dying right now, which is good because true crime was thriving for too long, if you ask me. It had its moment. What's it called? There's a backlash against it. It's having a backlash. I mean, there needs to be a true crime backlash. Yeah, there is. I don't want to hear any of that. It's the one positive of coronavirus. There have been a few, but the demise of Quibi, the demise of true crime podcasts, both of those are making me very happy. Wait, so your podcast, how long has it been going on?

It's been like three weeks. Yeah, this is our 11th episode, I think. Does it feel good? No. Have you ever had a wisdom tooth removed? That's what this feels like three times a week. But yeah, podcasting has gone down because commuting has gone down for sure. But also, I think right now more than ever, people need that escape. They need a little bit of just your girls or your guys or your friends who you can just listen to people talk just so you can hear how other humans are talking and then you can learn how to also talk in this time. Totally. Jason and I have also done podcasts. on and off together for years, so I think it feels nice for us personally, so I don't really care. I think it's fun to do, and I enjoy doing it. It gives me some purpose a few days a week, and that's enough for me. Obviously, it's going to explode and go to number one on every platform, but that wasn't the goal. That's not what we set out to do. One of the things I've always loved about doing a podcast is it allows you to connect with other people in a way that you probably would have been too lazy to before. And we need that now more than ever as I don't want to FaceTime or hang out or any of those things with any of my friends or my girlfriend's friends. I'm cool with doing none of that. So this is a good way to connect with Chris three times a week and then guests like you and making new friends. It's great. Yeah, I think we're meeting. We're having a lot of people on that are in our... general networks but i've never met before you know what i mean so i think that is fun and that's i mean that kind of always happens with podcasts but it feels more important now than it does in in non-core life yeah i agree it's totally true that it's a way to connect with people at a distance to not hit some voyeuristically connect um yeah and that makes it even better because before if you were like hey we should

we should do a podcast sometime. And then some people are turned off by the idea of like going into a stranger's living room and then like having to do the whole thing of like, now we're friends, even though I don't like you, like you can just do one hour and then it's done forever. And it's funny though, just because there's something embarrassing about saying you have a podcast just because everyone has a fucking podcast. Like my boyfriend was making me laugh so hard the other day because he was saying like, you know how everybody has like, you know, it's normal. It's like everyone has an Instagram or social media. He was like, do you think in the future, everyone will have a podcast in the way that they have social media? Like it'll just be like a link and you can always hear them talking throughout. Like that it'll be like a feed that you can just play like Instagram stories where they just keep switching for you, where it's just everyone. all your friends say stuff into their phone and then it will just like play on a loop. Can you give him my email address as an idea I would like to develop and sell to a venture capitalist? Just let me know. I mean, you know, everyone had a blog at some point and then we killed that. So who knows? Yeah, because you would never have to talk to your friend. You could just put it on in your car and then you're saying like, hey guys, just woke up this morning. I'm making coffee. So then you always know what your friends are doing. You never have to talk to them. That is beneficial. That is beneficial. Never having to talk to my friends would be sublime. That's kind of how Twitter was when it first began. That's true. Just giving useless updates about your life in text format. yeah which i never was just just had a burger for the for the win shit posting that's what i've gotten really into what i've started to do now like a new quarantine hobby is reviewing stuff online oh no because are you okay no because i was like then this is how that's fine because i've always liked like

giving good reviews to restaurants that i like like finding like the thai restaurant near my house and like writing some really nice thing about the waiters that work or whatever but you know that you're going crazy and i was like i think i'm gonna start reviewing countries on yelp and then like make it into an art project reviewing just a country on so so countries have yelp pages yes no like everything does everything has yelp like if you look google new york city like the Yelp, there will be reviews that come up. And you're like, what? And then the people that, what psychos just go to New York City and they're like, it's fine. Not worth it. It's okay. It was a little busy kind of smell beds to borrow. There were a lot more streets than I realized there were going to be. I used to go on Yelp and check out reviews of jails, but cities is good. Cities is really good. That's super funny. I'm glad to hear you're spending your time so wisely. I thought you were going to be like, yeah, I've got two new shows in development. I'm doing a podcast. I'm reviewing cities on Yelp. It's pretty good. So what country have you given a good review to recently? Well, I haven't been really given any good reviews at all. The point is that you have to give shit reviews. The point is you have to review countries that you haven't been to and you're just like, probably wouldn't bother. Sweden probably wouldn't bother. 10-10 wouldn't go. I've heard everything I need to hear about Turkey, and I'm all set. Two stars. Dude, this is not even funny, but it's funny to me, and I think that that's a bad sign. No, that's fine. You're right. That's something that we can stand behind here. We do that all the time. Don't be afraid to share things that other people will not like if you like them. That's all that matters. Yeah, you know what, Carly? Fuck the haters. You know what I'm saying? This is a place to talk about all the stuff that you assume other people will not find interesting. This is the media. This is where you – because I have a lot of those things all the time where this is a funny thing or wouldn't this be cool? And then I just tell it to my girlfriend and she's like, that's not funny or cool. But then on this podcast, I'll talk about it. And then four white dudes will be like, yes, exactly.

And then I'll feel good. Jason's a genius. He only hears it from people he doesn't know. Do you guys know what your demographic is? And if so, does it ever surprise you? No. I know exactly who the demographic is, and it's unfortunately not surprising. It's fucking white dudes in flyover cities with tattoos. Really? And a Chemex. Yeah, 100%. I can pull up the stats right now. I'm sure our listeners would like to hear that. Is it the Joe Rogan set? No, there's no incels, hopefully, or Republicans. There's probably some Republicans. The geographic location, 73% in America, United States, 8% Canada. God damn, God bless. And then it goes Canada, United Kingdom, Australia. Jason's got a big following in Australia. I can't shake those guys. Gender, 77% male, 22% female, 1% non-binary. Wow, that's good. See, we're modern. You're relevant. And then age range, 28 to 34 is the peak. And then 23 to 27, 35 to 44, and then 18 to 22. Where in America, though? Does it specify or not really? California, 23%. New York, 21%. Then it goes Texas, Illinois, Washington. Texas? Texas. Texas is surprising. But California and New York are head and shoulders above all the other states for obvious reasons. Some of them don't even have the internet. That's true. That's a good point. Some of these flyover states, I don't even know what goes on there. Pennsylvania? I don't know. Oh, God. I mean, but I think that we know exactly what the demo is, but I think also we're giving them, I mean, our guests have so far have been pretty wide ranging, I think, as far as our demo goes. Like, I don't know if we're introducing them to people, but it's maybe definitely people they're not that familiar with. Right. I know. But that's cool. I mean, you guys seem like you've been doing this together for a long time. You guys have a good rapport. I don't know if anyone's ever told you that. Thank you. We love to hear it.

It's because Jason and I are real friends and that shines through on the airwaves. Yeah. If you took all the money and fame away, we would still talk like this. Exactly. I don't, I, you know, I tell my bodyguard to leave when Jason's around, you know, that's the kind of friends that we are. That's, that's, that's kind of how we rock. So, you know, um, but yeah, it's, it's fun to do and it's fun to have guests and meet new friends and we'll probably continue to do it post core. because I think this situation pushed you to do things like this that you should have done before. Jason, I should have done this fucking five years ago. Like, no question. Yeah, 100%. And I should have done this cooking show five years ago, too. So it's like, for us, it's pushed us in a direction that we needed to go, and hopefully there's some monetary gain. If not, get some more followers on Twitter, which is cool, too. Right, right, exactly. It's all for ego. No, I'm excited because... I think that I've never done a podcast because I was like, there truly was part of me that was just like, there is so many that I feel like, what the fuck am I going to talk about? But then this is, again, probably something that no one cares about. But I think working, writing scripts, it's so frustrating that working in TV where everything takes so long that you can be working on stuff for years that might never happen. And the idea of, I think what's cool about. Coronavirus is like the rise of just... I'm glad I have a clean audio of that. Yeah, we're going to isolate that. You want to know what's cool about coronavirus? What's cool about coronavirus when it comes to my own personal self-discovery is that it's just for me to do sort of more DIY immediate stuff. I guess I should link it to coronavirus or more just like not leaving my apartment. Yeah, quarantine. Yeah, you're able to just hit record, talk for an hour, and then, you know, bing, bang, boom, five minutes later, it's on everyone's cell phone across the world. That's an amazing thing. Yeah, having the episodes come out three times a week and they come out like, this will come out tomorrow. You know what I mean? I think that is also, I can do that. I think like laboring over it in this time seems unnecessary. It's much, you're right. I think it's feeding the streets is more important than perfection.

Yeah, and that's the other great thing about podcasting is there can be so many different types. You can have the super scripted, produced This American Lifestyle one where each episode takes five months to make or you can just do it Joe Rogan style and hit record and hit a bong for three hours and boom, it's up the next day. We're somewhere in between. And then everywhere in between. I have to say, I... I'm a really big fan of Joe Rogan, and this triggers people, but it's the reality of who I am. What do you like about him so much? I like the guests that he has on. I like his body. I like his body. I like his neck, mainly. I like that neck meat. I get a feeling I can't get both of my hands around it. That neck is looking like some high school thighs, if you know what I'm saying. Kielbasa's about to bust. He fully looks crazy, though. I don't understand. That body, I guess, is appealing to people. I don't understand it. But I have a Joe Rogan hoodie. Okay, okay. Thanks for being here. This is very cool. So my boyfriend got it to me for my birthday, even though he hates Joe Rogan, which I thought was a truly good person. So it's like a hoodie with Joe Rogan's face on it. I don't usually wear it out that much because it's just too much. But I do find that when I wear it out, I make friends with every Uber driver. Every Uber driver loves fucking Joe Rogan immediately. I bond so hard. And so if I'm in the mood to talk when I'm in an Uber, I wear that sweatshirt. Well, it's because they're literally confined to an automobile for eight hours a day and have to give themselves audio. Well, I guess that is one thing about Joe Rogan that we can all appreciate is his proficiency of releasing. We feel like we're doing a lot of work by doing three episodes a week. He's doing like four or five and each one is three hours long. If you're an Uber driver, you would love him because he just...

There's always six hours of new things to listen to every day. That's true. I like it, yeah. But I don't know. And he likes talking about bears and eagles and stuff. That's the kind of stuff that I've surprised myself that I like. And those tigers are really powerful. Right when you said that, I got a thing on my phone that said, this Joe Rogan episode is up for download. Do you guys not like it? You guys don't like to hear him talk about vitamins for 25 minutes? I just think it's smart talk for dumb people is how I describe that genre of content. You're not wrong. People who agree with him once and then take his word as gospel no matter what subject it's on. I would listen to him talk about working out and fitness maybe and fear factor. But anything else, I'm kind of good. Him talking about politics and conspiracy theories and shit, I'm fully out on that. I'm fully out. I cannot deal. I just cannot deal. I think he's dumb, but he's smart. I don't know if that doesn't make much sense, but I think you both know what I mean. Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. I think the thing that... You know, there's a lot of things about him that I don't like, but I do like listening to him sometime. I mean, I will listen if there's a guest on that I think is interesting, but usually not every episode. But I like that he kind of operates in a world where like Chappelle is sort of in that same world of comedians who really are believing in preserving the art of being able to say whatever you want and not being afraid to offend people. in this current day and age not very many people are are able to do that with a platform as big as they are fair that's true yeah that kind of immune like i can't i mean like chappelle rogan if they were going to be canceled it would have already happened like some people do seem to be above that or just like not even above it but just sort of like to the left of it like yeah yeah they've created their own lane and their fans because they they can sort of like they know that they're

They have enough of a following that they can say whatever they want and they'll be fine. And, you know, it's not like a Louis C.K. situation where they're not really going to do anything that is like creepy and wrong. They're just going to say something like, you know, racist. Bush did 9-11 or 5G gives you coronavirus. Make a joke about a trans person or something. They're never going to get a full Louis C.K. style cancellation. Well, Louis CK just posted a special on his website. I want to see some numbers on that. I bet it did numbers. I bet it did numbers. Are you going to watch it? I mean, I love his show. I used to love it, too. I never loved him that much. I used to hit the bong and watch the hell out of some Louis and be like, damn, bro. I like the show more than the stand-up, of course, but I think guys like that can fully exist and have a full career. on like this weird second level if they're releasing stuff directly like i don't think i think he's big enough and people relate to him enough that he can go be a millionaire and without ever having to deal with the mainstream public again and in like a in like a super celebrity kind of that's exactly what he's doing i know it's smart i mean i think that he should i think that he should have released this special six months ago a year ago no i i think he should have just released it for free as like a little olive branch offering. My G might need some cash, bro. He might need some cash. He does not need cash. He has a lot of fucking money. I think he got divorced, bro. You know how that shit goes in California? They take a half, bro. That's a good point. He was in New York. Oh, okay. Fair enough. But he might have gotten married in California. You never know. These celebrities, you know how it is. They bounce back and forth. New York, LA, where are they? I don't know. He made so much money. I don't think, you know. It's one of those things where he's selling it for $7.99 and he'll probably sell $50,000. Something like that. Maybe not even that. That's a lot of money. It has nothing to do with money. It's all ego. That's the only reason these guys care about coming back. You're right. The same way I think that HBO should just be free for the quarantine. I think it is. I think a lot of it is right now. Really?

Yeah, they're opening the floodgates a little bit. I mean, it's great marketing. You get people hooked on HBO and then once the core is off, then you start charging. I think that's a smart move. I mean, I think that's what a lot of people are betting on is that we're going to do this now and it will result in us. I mean, they probably have the data to back it up too. This will result in us getting more subscribers six months from now when we start charging again, et cetera, et cetera. I think it's really smart. And dress it up as a philanthropic effort instead of a marketing tactic. We love dressing up things as philanthropic efforts. That's one of my favorite. And why do you guys say, why are you guys happy about Quibi? No, Quibi's trash. That's all. I hope that Quibi dies in the quarantine because it came out in a time where the whole business model was it's... only available on your phone it's not going to be available on any other screen and then it came out in a time where no you know the the screen usage on your phone is going down and being replaced by your tv or your computer so i just want i have like a personal vendetta against quibi for no reason i just i also don't like i don't know they're not by yourself yeah exactly that's done no they just like you know they have like a Chance the Rapper is hosting MTV Punk'd on it. That's all you need to really hear. That's a jailable offense. That's a jailable offense. Big jail. I mean, I think it's also like they're doing a bunch of bite-sized content. I don't want 10 minutes. I think that's annoying. I want to talk here, Joe Rogan, talk about vitamins for three hours. Exactly. Three hours. Exactly. The only people who want 10 little quick bites are like cleaning ladies on the train. That's it. Yeah, that's true. That's true. All right, guys. Damn, we did numbers here. We almost went an hour and a half, Carly. Wait, shut up. Really? Shut up. Yeah. Time flies when you're making perfect content. You guys are very funny. You guys are funny and you guys are fun to talk to. That's what I have to say. God bless you. Thank you. You can leave that on the How Long Gone Yelp page if you just go ahead and search that. We think you are funny and fun to talk to as well. Yeah, I'm so glad Ryan O'Connell, friend of the show, put us in touch because...

Like I said, I've been aware of your catalog for a long time, so it's nice to connect virtually. Yeah, ditto. And I'm sorry I didn't realize you were recording at the beginning and was probably saying unrelated things. No, no, no, it's fine. If there's anything that pops up, I'll talk to the AV team and we'll take care of it. Can you give our listeners a little info or tidbit about your new podcast that is going to be debuting soon? Yeah, so it's called Love and Quarantine, and it's basically me talking to people who have really specific stories about whether it's a guy who's quarantining with his new partner and his ex because they all got trapped together. Hell yeah. Is that a real thing that happened to someone? Yeah, it's this guy in France who has his new boyfriend and his ex-boyfriend. But, I mean, just, like, funny stories. We're talking to this, like, cam girl who is, has, you know, an expert in FaceTime sex who's going to help people, like, know how to, like, light their room so that they don't look gross when they're jerking off on camera. Things like that. It's just, like, fun, like, optimistic stories about sex and love during this time. So the plan is for it to come out on Friday, pending approval on the app. store itunes or whatever nice well this is so this is the first stop on your press tour we're really glad to have you thank you yeah thank you guys so much congratulations on your podcast thank you this is the first stop on our press tour too um can you tell them i mean not that they need to know because oh yeah you're well known but can we can we drop the at please sure so i am at sletever on twitter and i'm at carly sletever on instagram and i write a column for vogue that's about sex and relationships which is called breathless which is on vogue.com you know what i'm just i don't think i follow you so i'm gonna have to go blast the follow right now myself um i hope that your team follow back who sings who sings that song breathless is that shania twain who does that um the course oh yeah that's right that's right i didn't even rip why do i remember that that is so crazy i haven't thought about it in forever

No one's ever mentioned that after your volume being called that? No, because it's sort of after the movie. You've heard of the French New Wave film? No, Jason's not really cultured like that. It's named after the Coors song from 2002. Jason's from Orange County. He doesn't know about New Waves. They don't do that there. Look, I'm a DJ, so I will... If it was a song, then I will... That's what I'll say. Okay, fair enough. I know both because I'm really well-rounded. Fuck you, Chris. Carly, thank you again for joining us. Good luck with the podcast. Good luck with television. Good luck with Hollywood. It can be a harsh town. This is a hard time. Good luck with your families and your running. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And we will talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.