026. - Hannah Berner

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Bon appetito. Buongiorno! Buongiorno, Christopher. Big TJ, what's going on, King? Oh, um, you know, I was just looking at this menu that you sent me from this restaurant called Good and Nice, and I remember looking at it on caviar, stumbling upon it, and remembering that all the captions and descriptions were very quirky. like in a good like palace skateboards description way or in like a corny white people from orange county way no offense it's leaning more towards door number two unfortunately i had a feeling it's very tough to pull off that kind of um british charm when you're not british yeah i mean i guess palace should get a little bit more credit than they than they get it is hard to do that the palace product descriptions are truly like a work of art like i would never buy the product but i read the descriptions every time there's new stuff it kind of reminds me of the the golden era heyday of vice music reviews you know that was some good copywriting back then formative i did i did some vice music reviews in my day i wrote some that was some of the first writing i ever did is that right you and chromio were both writing music reviews Yeah, well, I mean, I didn't write that many, but they were always under an anonymous name anyway. So it was like you could just totally go nuts. Like Ryan Duffy wrote a cartel review in Vice and gave it like a nine. And just talked about how you could probably hook up with someone's hot mom if you went to a cartel show. Yeah, I missed that stuff. That's one thing I did not know about you, Chris. yeah yeah yeah that was uh i only only a handful but i that was before i really had my sea legs you know so it was nice yeah was this pro bono work or were you on the payroll yeah of course fuck everything i do is pro bono unfortunately no uh no that was definitely that might have been paid to be honest with you they were i mean all the times i worked with vice back in the day it was it was always like fair

You know what I mean? It was never like some weird shit. It was never like do this for free. Well, welcome to white privilege, brother. Yep. Never had a problem. Always got my invoice paid on time. Funkiest thing. I heard some people having a little trouble with them, but who knows? Well, I do have a – I don't know what's happened, but there was a time – maybe we've talked about this, but like five or six years ago. I would constantly be owed pretty substantial amounts of money. People just would not pay. Big companies. Yeah, thank you. Something has happened, though, as of two, three years ago where that just doesn't happen anymore. People just pay on time now. It was probably right around the same time you got verified on Instagram, I'm assuming. I'm not verified on Instagram. Don't remind me, little bitch. Oh, you're not? I thought you were. Oh, I'm so sorry. No, I'm sorry. I don't know what platforms you're verified on, but I've still got more followers than you on both. So I'm carrying the load of this show. You are carrying the lion's share of our social media followers. Don't worry, Jason. I'm going to get verified on Instagram during this pandemic if it's the last fucking thing I do. I think you said that early into this podcast. Let's get a report on how all that is going. I guess you could call that a progress report. The progress report is nil, zero zilch. So we got no leads. No leads. I need to follow up with my editor at New York Magazine because they're spearheading the, you know. The efforts. The operation efforts, exactly. It's an all hands on deck situation here. It's going to take a miracle to get your little ass verified on the gram. They're like, hey, he's good, but there are a lot of chairs. There's a lot of chair accounts out there, so I guess you do need to stand out from them. Bitch, my content is pretty good. It's not amazing, but it's pretty good. Well, always strive for great, not good, my friend. Yeah, I can tell you do that all the time. Nothing gets blasted off on my stories unless it passed a strict 12-point inspection criteria is met.

What, like an up-close food photo? What criteria does that mean? You know, I like to play around with tone and composition as well as cropping, warmth. Can I get a bite? Hey, man. Watch me turn those stories into a food-fluencer career, bro. Well, I think there's some food television openings, so you probably have a little window there if you want to get out there. I was trying to think about that recently. I'm always trying to think about what's the angle that hasn't been done. Everyone is praising Guy Fieri right now. Now he's turned to charity guy. Well, he kind of always has been, and people just kind of figure that that's what you do when you're in that compromised position. You kind of have to work a little bit harder to be cooler than everyone else and be nicer, so Guy has to go double time. Guy has to go hammer. Well, that's the thing. Guy has been going hammer for decades now, probably. and it's starting to pay off. The cream is rising to the top, and he seems to be the only, the creamiest guy. Everyone is in the restaurant world. They're either going broke, they're getting Me Too'd, their shit's closing down. David Chang's complaining that he can't afford to buy salt and season his pasta water. Everyone's struggling. Did he say that? Yeah, he did a post on Instagram talking about how he's not salting his pasta water anymore because he doesn't have enough salt and he's afraid of the scarcity of it and he doesn't want to risk going out. And then every other chef who makes a fraction of his money. is is hitting him up being like hey i have like salt if you want some bro i got i got some molded in the crib if you just want to come by like just wear a mask if you don't mind like you you have uh tens of millions of dollars i think you can afford fucking salt

The only thing that's cheaper than water. It's so crazy. How do you not realize what that sounds like when you say that? That's just so crazy to me. It is. But everyone's afraid to call him out on that shit because he's so powerful. But is he so powerful? In what way? I don't think his shit's hitting like it used to. I think restaurant-wise, it's not really that powerful anymore. It's pretty watered down and distilled at this point. you know hudson yards ass restaurants but i think in like the food media space he's still pretty powerful like he can get tv shows bought and sold and he can get in the ear of of network execs and he can be like no you shouldn't have this guy on because he was talking shit on me or whatever like well him and i are in a similar position it's nice then i guess i like him you guys are both Petty entrepreneurs. Exactly. I've got the ear of all execs from a multitude of industries. All the people that just got fired from Endeavor, you were really in their ears, weren't you? Yeah, I don't understand. A friend of the show told us about that rumor, but I haven't heard that anywhere. I feel like a bloodbath of that size would have hit the internet pretty hard. I read a whole story on it. I think it was the Times that did a story on it. They interviewed the three dudes from Endeavor, the main guys. They were basically just saying a lot of shit that they were betting a lot of money on obviously got fucked because of Corona. I think they had to lay off 250 people. I mean, I know that I talked to a friend that worked at UTA, and he said that basically as soon as this happened at UTA, they just all took a graduated pay cut all the way across the board, and they've been able to basically be fine, which I think is a smarter, smarter way to do it. It was a sliding scale based on pay, obviously. So the highest pay took the most hit, and then it trickled down from there. But I think everybody was happier to do that than for half the staff to get canned.

Yeah, sure. Just make it work. But then at that point, you're like, maybe if I got canned, I could have been getting unemployment, blah, blah, blah. Who knows? But it's tough. All of those people who grew up with rich West Side families who then got hired and got a job at William Morris or Endeavor, they're going to be screwed. You hate to see that. How are these LA private schools going to stay open? You know what I mean? Is Harvard Westlake going to have to get bailed out? Harvard Westlake makes so much money, it's crazy. Well, I mean, they've given us a lot of cool stuff. You know what I mean? A lot of obnoxious NYU graduates and hot, rich chicks. So, I mean, I wanted to stay in business. Some of them have started bands that you like or love. I mean... Yeah, I guess there was that period where, like, what was the band with all the girl? It was all women? Haim? No, not Haim. Dude, by the way, is Haim actually good or did Haim have one good song? I can't decide. I think that, I don't know, I think they have an ability to write songs that is, you know. Pretty impressive, I would say. I feel like they really have something, but then I hear it, and I'm like, this is okay. But then there's a couple songs that are undeniably smashed out of the park. Yeah, I think they know the fundamentals of writing a hit, and I think they have done their homework, and they know what they're doing. They're able to play their instruments well, and they're talented musicians. I like that they're so popular. I feel like I'd rather them be popular than a lot of stuff. Yeah, and they're nice, good people as well. Oh, okay. I forgot. I'm sorry. Jason's kissing Hollywood ass again on this podcast. I forgot. I love to talk S about people, but I won't talk any S about people that I'm friends with in real life unless I'm very close friends with them like you, and then I will let it spread. No, I mean, I'm into Heim. I have no beef.

there's the fan i have certain friends who are just rabid fans you know what i mean and it's the same thing with vampire weekend where i'm like i like this in theory but then i listen to it and it's mostly a miss for me but i like like that it exists and i would rather that be popular music than fucking you know 20 20 21 pilots that's true i um i stopped being able to listen to vampire weekend when i heard Pete Holmes, or maybe it was Pete Holmes or a Pete Holmes-like person, just say the phrase vampy weeks. And then I was like, all right, never going to listen to them ever again. That's absolutely fucked up because I would love to have Pete Holmes come on this podcast so we could absolutely destroy him on a barbecue for an hour. I don't think he would do that. I don't know. He might like the smoke, his little Christian ass. He might be up for it. That's a good point. Some very Christian religious people, they like to get that tickle. Yeah, you know that his girlfriend ties him up and humiliates him and shit. So it's no different. If he came on How Long Gone, we could humiliate him. He'd be getting that booty play. You already know. He'd definitely be getting picked. I can't believe that for a minute during the podcast heyday of me trying to discover what I like that I actually listened to his podcast. It's so embarrassing. I don't even know why I'm admitting it right now. Well, I mean, I've listened to a bunch of his podcasts. There have been a couple where if the guest is good, they can get on a pretty interesting, not interesting, but just like a very wide open tangent of thoughts and convo that doesn't happen on very many podcasts. So I think that's where his magic is. But otherwise, you know, you have to really like... those bad dad, dad joke pun type of comedy. But if I, if I wanted to hear, if I wanted to like spend time with an unfunny, like former Christian divorced guy, I can look in the fucking mirror. Like that's not, I don't, that's just not that it's just, he's not compelling enough. Well, not everybody has the luxury of looking in the mirror and seeing Chris black.

That's true. And to be fair, I was never a Christian, but I was forced to go to church. So that is a difference. Because I know that motherfucker loved the Lord. He'd be loving the Lord. What do you think about... I'm pleased to hear the news about Quibi taking a shit, you know? I mean, that article was amazing. Like, just him blaming coronavirus and only coronavirus. Like, bitch, your whack-ass content is part of the problem, Katzenberg. But you did read his, like, thing about his day. No, I did not. Bro, it's amazing. He gets up at like 2.30 and reads five newspapers. There's like a two-hour gap in the morning where it's like, bro, what are you doing? What do you think he's doing? I don't know. Maybe jerking off. What's the chances? He's pretty high up. He's probably in on the child prostitution ring of the elite Hollywood. I don't know. I think because he has that crazy yacht. I don't know. That yacht might be too big to go to the Epstein Island. There might not be a dock big enough for the yachts. Too big to dock. Too big to dock. That yacht is one of those yachts where if shit goes down, that's good enough to be your new home. oh yeah if i ever get invited on that yacht i will never call you again or talk to you again that's a whole new level of like that's where i need to what do you think the squatters rights are on that yacht i mean honestly i feel like i could find a corner and he wouldn't even know i was there for like a long period of time he would just walk past you and be like hey i know let me get a let me get another glass of sancerre yeah exactly Yes, Mr. Katzenberg. Hold on one second. If I was a little hotter and more buff, I could definitely get invited on. Keep doing TJ's kettles and we'll see if you get there, buddy. That's a good point. We need to talk about our exciting guests today. I think it's really our calling to finally have someone from the Bravo reality television universe join us on this podcast. Bravo sphere.

Bravo Sphere. Hannah Berner is a comedian and known tennis player and New York native who also happens to be part of the ensemble cast of Bravo's Summer House, a runaway hit that I would say has eclipsed Vanderpump Rules and popularity in certain circles. I know it's crazy, but I have a lot of questions for Hannah regarding her court time, also the show. uh and her her comedy career so she also she's a fellow podcaster as well also a pod head yes of course how could you i mean how could you not so this is this is this is christmas and your birthday all rolled into one to have a bravo guest on this show and i'm happy very happy for you thank you let me call her all right all right this episode of how long gone is brought to you by squarespace Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative, but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept quote unquote donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How Long Gone.

It was brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. When life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code HOWLONG. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code HOWLONG with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and that are just easy, but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Oh, we're in business. Oh, we're in business. There we go. There we go. Okay. Sorry, guys. That's what happens when I'm left up to the technical side of this business. He's bad. What's up? How are you? I'm good. How are you doing? Not bad at all. He's in LA, so he's doing better than both of us because it's probably 90 degrees. Look, New York is really cool too, guys. No, New York is a shithole right now. No, I'm just kidding. I've been hearing that as well. It really is. But Jason, before you got on the line, Hannah was telling me that she's with her parents actually in Long Island. Which, you know, I've been flirting with the idea of driving down to my parents in Atlanta just to get a change of scenery. Would you recommend I do that or maybe nah? I mean, probably nah, I would say. I think if you haven't seen your parents in months and there's a quarantine and stuff going on, you should probably keep it that way. I don't know.

I don't know. We get along pretty well. I mean, I don't think it would be that big of a deal. I'm not talking about because of, like, getting along with your parents. I'm more talking about, like, the infectious diseases going on in the world. Oh, well, I mean, look. If I'm going to get it, I'm going to get it is kind of how I feel. Got it. Okay. You know what I'm saying? But I just don't want – like, you're a very strong, hot – some muscular cat and you could probably beat this thing but i don't want your your older parents and relatives to catch it from from your hot bod and then you know something bad happens we've just got we've discussed though that my parents my mom and sister are both working in the medical field so if anybody i'm gonna get it from their ass if anybody's gonna get it anything's possible in this crazy world Hannah, it's been great talking to you anyway. Thanks so much, you guys. This was really insightful. How is it going with your parents, though, Hannah? That's what I was trying to get at. Are we on? Yeah. Is this thing on? Yeah, we go off. Well, sorry for calling New York a shithole. Now I'm going to get all these angry DMs. I'm Brooklyn born and raised. I love my shithole. Okay, so I'm just realizing all the things that I forgot to talk about in therapy. We're here for you, sweetie. We're reliving it. Yeah, this won't cost you a dime. This is free. Yeah, it's just an hour of my time. I'll never get back, but it's okay. Hey, fuck you. But I do – I feel like my parents are pretty similar. Like they've grown a little, but like I've – grown a lot from being a 15 year old to a 28 year old. So I'm reacting to things differently. And I'm seeing like, Oh, younger Hannah would have taken that to heart and, you know, repeated that in her head and made herself feel bad. But older Hannah is like, you know what, dad, that's your own issues. Go talk to your father about that. So that's what, what I'm doing right now is fighting with my dad a little. I'm better than him at ping pong.

and he can't get over it, so that's how I make him feel bad. You know, I actually have a long-standing ping-pong challenge with my father as well. What the fuck? There was a time where he could beat me, and then as I became a man, I started to beat him, and he didn't like that either. It's weird. I was a professional tennis player back in the day, and my dad was my coach, and he taught me from when I was like four years old. And when I was 12 years old, I finally beat him, and he said it was the weirdest combination of, like, proud and angry. And, yeah, he's never beaten me since, and that's why I'm the alpha in the household, and that's why we fight. Do you guys have a tennis court? My grandpa actually has a tennis court. So I'm on this place called Shelter Island. It's, like, way out. Oh, Shelter Island. Yeah, of course. Yeah, so my family's been going there since, like, I don't know, the 80s? And my grandpa has a little place with a tennis court, and that's where I learned to play. And now we're actually, yeah, so I'm just like living this new suburban life I never lived because I grew up in Brooklyn. I'm kind of not hating it. I go for a walk every day with my mom. My mom is a principal of a middle school in Brooklyn, so she's running an entire school from her living room. I'm complaining about tweets, and she's like, sorry, honey, I'm really busy. And I'm like, this tweet got like 10 fewer likes than I thought. And then my dad's in the basement training in ping pong, and he's going to lose regardless. So it's a fun house. Your dad in a dimly lit basement sweating his ass off. My dad? That's literally my dad. He's a man cave. He wakes up. He works out for like three hours. Golfs with his buddies. Then like does a couple calls for work. He's going to get mad. If his bosses are listening, he works a lot. They're definitely listening. They're definitely listening. We have a big boss contingent on this podcast. Mostly bosses, yeah. Mostly bosses. I wanted to talk about tennis because I've started playing in the last couple years and Jason also plays. Cool. And we have a friend who's kind of our de facto coach who also played at NYU and is kind of like a ranked junior situation. What's his name? His name is Jake Davis. Jake Davis. He's a little older than you. Okay. Sorry, I like to pretend. I mean, the tennis community is very small, and you'd be surprised how many random ass people I know.

But he's trained me in such a way that he doesn't ever let me hit a real ball, really. We don't hit a real ball until hour two. What are you hitting in the beginning? Those, like, softballs? Yeah, he makes me start. The deflated practice balls. That's for four-year-olds. That's for four-year-olds. I know. I think he's doing it to humble me and then build me back up. No, I think that gives you a taste of Chris's skill level. If his sensei has decided he's not ready for the regular tennis ball that you can buy at Walgreens, you have to get the special one. I think he's doing it as a troll. No, not at all. But I also kind of like it. No, I've hit with him as well, and it's sort of like you've got to crawl before you can walk, and he will let you know when you're ready to graduate. But how long, Chris, have you been crawling? It's years now. Yeah, unfortunately, when I play in New York with friends, I just play it normally. But whenever I go to L.A. to play with him, we never start with a regular ball. I mean, I like his method to his madness. There's a lot of different, like, things you can do to help people get a certain technique. But I like that he's really latched on to this one for you. Maybe he understands something about you that I don't know. I think that is definitely true. He understands how bad at tennis Chris is. Yeah, exactly. It's kind of like bumper bowling. It's the same kind of vibe. But he never gets me fresh because what we like to do is go to Barry's boot camp in the morning and then play tennis in the afternoon. So I never have fresh legs, which I think is an unfair judge of my skill level. You know what I mean? Okay. Let's not throw excuses around, but I hear you. I'm sorry. I think I've just gotten a new coach. Yeah, I like to yell at my friends when I coach them. How often do you play now? So actually after college, I taught tennis on Shelter Island for like the summer before I got my first job in sales, which was brutal cold calling. But now I just play casually with, like, actually some really cool comedians in the New York City scene. There's this guy. Oh, my God. Well, Francis Ellis is this guy who got fired from Barstool, who played in high school. And he just has, like, really, like, went to play lacrosse at Princeton, has that, like, really, you know, false white male confidence in himself. So I just, like, brutalized him on the tennis court.

What do you have to do to get fired from Barstool is what I want to know. Yeah, seriously. Oh, my God. Princeton is so embarrassed by him, I'm sure. Well, also, he's a stand-up comedian. So they were already embarrassed, you mean? Yeah, they were already embarrassed. And he briefly wrote about this girl who... had been missing and he was kind of like making fun of some of the stuff because they heard that she had like liked something on Instagram. So he assumed that she wasn't gone forever. And then after he kind of made fun of it, she was declared murdered and it didn't look good. So of everything he could have done at Barstool, that got him fired. I was on a, I was a pretty frequent guest on a Barstool podcast and I would go into that office. And I've never been more disgusted in my life. With what part? What's it like in there, Chris? It was just, it felt like a, it felt like the combination of like a disgusting frat house and like a kill room from Law & Order. Like it was just so, it was so disgusting. And like, I just, there's so, you know, it's so well known how much money the company has. And it just felt like a shithole. And like, it was dirty. And there was like pizza box. It just really was not it. Like I was disgusted. Well, it's interesting because I don't want to start shit with them, but apparently they're hemorrhaging money. As of like two days ago, there's an article about how they're just having a rough time with ads, which makes sense. It's good news. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I think that like once you get to a point of... problematicness where you can't get ads anymore that's when the money starts hemorrhaging and plus covid obviously but what happened is there was like an i'm i'm the barstool i report on barstool's reporting so barstool there was an email where some guy basically was like hey are we still on with this advertised advertiser and then the boss responded and basically like called him like a stupid r-word and

And then they fought about that. And I was like, what are we even fighting about at this moment? But I also play tennis with Michael Costa. He's a guy on Trevor Noah's The Late Night Show with Trevor Noah. I get The Late Night Show is confused. But he's played for Illinois back in the day and I went to Wisconsin. So it actually feels good for like an hour to just. play with someone who's good and then go back to your regular life and not have the pressure of like a ranking or anything or keeping up your cardio or anything like that. But do you do other exercise or is tennis your go-to? I mean, I realized after all these years that all I want to do is play games, like actual working out. I like it after the fact, but I'm, my whole life I was. Tennis was what I loved and training was the homework. I don't ever understand people who did track. That's what we had to do when we got in trouble. I had to run a timed mile. That wasn't what I... Yeah, Jason makes me drop down and do 30 push-ups if I make a bad joke on this podcast. So it's a similar kind of thing. That's how you got your body? Exactly, exactly. Yes, yes. Just so many bad jokes you must have done. Exactly. Well, it's like tennis. It's taken years. It's growth. It's growth. So I was doing this hip-hop yoga thing that's big in New York, L.A.C. Oh, are you talking about Y7? Y7. That was my shit. You know, I'm embarrassed to say I've also done Y7 many times. Don't be embarrassed. It's embarrassing. Come on. It's a fucking embarrassing thing to do. OK, if you're a guy, I don't know why every guy's not doing it. Just like hot, like tough girls letting out all their emotions because it's like yoga. But like if you have an attitude problem. Yeah, the music is actually bad because it's like corny white chicks playing what they think hip hop is. Okay, you don't have to attack me. I'm sorry. And their branding says the word Namastizzle on it as well. That one's a tough hurdle to overcome. Hannah, I need you to tell me the truth. Have you ever bought any branded merchandise from Y7? I did buy a Y7 sweatshirt. What did it say on it? It said Y7 Studio.

Okay. I wasn't going to do, but like, I liked, it was like a crop. And I remember I was like cold when I was leaving and it was way overpriced. It was like $65. And I'm like, my podcast isn't doing that well, but I got it. Yeah. I like it, but you're so right. It definitely just has taken black culture. And let white girls shit on over it, all over it. It's actually pretty insane. It's actually pretty insane, but they opened one near me in the East Village and it's fucking popping. It's so dope. But like Snoop Dogg is probably just shaking his head somewhere like these motherfuckers. I mean, I think anybody who is familiar with it is shaking their head, but maybe still going because they like the work. But Jason, I'm not trying to like twist. You clearly haven't experienced it how me and Chris have, but. It's like yoga, but then in between they do abs and they have a moment where you get to like do your own, remember. That's the worst part. That's the worst part. Okay. Well, listen to me. The reason why it's not the worst part is because normal workouts, I just kind of listen to what they're saying and just like space out and do it. But Y7, you have to like remember what the formula is. or whatever they fucking call it, so that when you have to focus, you can't just think about what you want to eat the next day. You have to really be in the moment. See, what I do during that time is just do push-ups. Oh my god, you're such a douche. I know exactly the kind of guy you are in the class. I just do push-ups because I'm too good to just remember a couple poses. You use that time as meditation, perhaps, to work on your mental... clarity and then chris uses it to try and form some somewhat of a chest yeah yeah well sorry when they're playing when they're playing like usher and calling that hip-hop i have to distract myself with really not come at usher do not come let it burn confessions i'm not saying it's not good but it's not hip-hop okay well if okay i would say it's r&b with a slight hip-hop would you i mean

I like it a lot. Those are classic songs. But if you sell me hip-hop yoga, I want to hear Lil Got It or something new and cool. Who's Lil Got It? He wants to hear some real drug dealer. He wants to hear Takashi 6ix9ine. Yeah, I want to hear new. Exactly. But that's for when you're doing your dog pound class, Chris. Not for yoga. Yoga is usher time. I do love just misogynistic rap when I'm trying to work out. The more disrespectful it is to a woman, the more I get motivated. It motivates you. Rap music that is not misogynistic is just bad. Unfortunately, it's part of being good music. I mean, it's a tough reality to face in 2020, but I have to agree, TJ. I love all these just like badass, hardworking New York women did their finance job and up since 7 a.m. Just like busting their ass to being like, women ain't shit. Women are hoes and tricks. That's exactly what the scene is like. It pushes them. It does. Yeah, you got to fight the patriarchy and you have to remember the history before you move on from it. Damn, hell yeah. That's the blueprint, baby. Jason just tried yoga for the first time because Jason's really tall, so he has a tough time doing exercises like the rest of us. Oh, it must be so hard for him. Luckily, I'm very flexible, but yeah, it is a little tough for me. How did you like it? I'm a big fan, actually. I mean, it was not the first time I had done it. I've done it before, but I think it's great. It's just a little... I don't know. Sometimes it gets a little boring to me. It's one of those things where when you finish it, you're really glad you did it. But in the middle of it, I'm just kind of like, I don't know. That's why I recommend Y7 because you don't get bored. But this is just a whole Y7 advertising. Thanks to the coronavirus, Y7 is done. Y7 is closing forever, just like everything else in the world. I mean, people are doing virtual.

Let's not get too stark. Virtual shit doesn't hit the same. I've tried, and it just doesn't hit the same. Yeah, just like this podcast. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, if we were all sitting around a table, you'd be dying laughing. But when it's through the phone, this shit is trash. No, actually, podcasts are keeping people afloat right now. So I'm supportive of everyone out there still creating great content. So when you say afloat, do you mean like? Financially only? Are you talking about keeping them afloat, their mental health and stuff like that? I think keeping people afloat in terms of giving them content because there aren't tons of TV shows coming out. There's not even tons of music coming out. But podcasters have been able to continually bring content. So somebody like a comedian in your position where all of the other ways that you can express your art, this is it. You're not getting on stage. You're not selling a show. of your sitcom idea none of that's going on a hundred percent and I think some comics are actually like finding new creative ways some stand-ups are very old school where they're just like I do stand-up and that's it and now they're realizing like just like to be a good stand-up you have to be a great writer you have to be you know good at act outs and I feel like some of them are making creative funny videos they would have never made and and some of them are tweeting more and getting more attention from that so I think we all have to understand that You can't depend on one medium for success. You're talking to two big-time polymaths right here, so we know the vibe. Yeah, I also DJ, so I get it. Sick. Sick. Please don't tell me. I'm very guilty. I'm on Instagram Live multiple times a day. I have a daily Instagram Live show at 10 p.m. The Giggly Squad. Check it out. Me and my friend Paige. These DJs who are going on, it doesn't hit the same. It doesn't sound good. They just look like they're standing over a table. What is worse? A DJ playing his music to nobody in just a room or a stand-up comedian doing his set to no crowd, no laughter, no anything.

oh my god I have to do a stand-up show tomorrow like I keep saying yes to these stand-up shows and it's really brutal but I'd rather that because at least there's like an awkwardness to it and like seeing someone bombs kind of at least entertaining where the DJ it's like it gives me nothing because they like look too cool to be there and I'm like shut up where the comic you can tell is just like I want to kill myself I agree I mean that's a good point I am I literally you know am a dj and when i have zero interest in watching anybody dj on instagram live even if they have like funny visuals behind them and they're doing skits and gags and shit it's just like there's no it's just wrong I mean, maybe a DJ tutorial, but then I know that you don't want to give up your secrets. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, you're right. It took years to be this land. You couldn't give that up. They can pay for the master class if they want to learn that, but yeah. Yeah, exactly. It ain't coming out on live. Should I take up DJing? I guess it's a terrible time to learn DJing. Who knows, next time we can all rub up against each other. It's a good time to learn. Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot of gigs going on, but I think you could definitely get hired for some celebrity DJ sets and make some decent side income. Well, thank you because I was thinking because I have a following and I have a personality. What other skills do I need? Be honest with me. Have you heard of this website called OnlyFans.com? No. Okay. I don't need to go to that extent. I'm saying I want to DJ. If I want to be a DJ, what do I do? I can teach you the ways. I've done it before with other celebrities. Let me tell you a little story about Jason. He's well known for teaching actor Zac Efron how to DJ for the movie. What was it called? It's called We Are Your Friends. No, this is not a joke. He really did teach Zac Efron how to DJ. That's amazing. And I don't know if you've seen that classic film. It's probably available on all streaming services. And I could do the same thing for you as well. Obviously, I am union and there are some restrictions and loopholes that we have to work on.

How coachable was Zac Efron? How comfortable was he? Coachable. Oh, how coachable. Not very. He was distracted with being a giant celebrity. You don't have that problem. Well, I would say in his defense, he did not have to learn how to DJ. All he had to do was learn how to look like a DJ. So, you know, he's an actor who has been an actor his whole life, you know, for whatever, decades at this point. So he's kind of like, you know, like, I got it. I think I can do this. And he pretty much did. I'm not particularly, like, I wasn't a dancer growing up. I don't, like, make music. I love a good, you know, shake your ass kind of song. But that's really, I did a TikTok dance once. They go viral because it was funny, not because it was good. So what do you think I can do? I think the possibility of you becoming a DJ is strong. You just have to carve out your lane musically, and it sounds like you already have ass-shaking music. So no EDM, no Dua Lipa vibe. You're going just straight. No. Like mystical and usher? Yes. Yes. So you're basically like a wedding DJ then is what you want. Yes. Okay. Yes. Yes. I think that's pretty easy to program. You guys get me. But it's so true. DJs would just be good extra money. I do a stand-up gig, make $20, then go DJ at some stupid party and get paid $2,000 or whatever those people do downtown. Stand-up comedy is not the way to riches, unfortunately. But I don't know why you chose this. It can be. Well, once you start selling out, then you make a couple grand on the weekend. But are you doing, are you touring and stuff? So I actually just started my first tour. I did, I went to DC, LA, I did Dynasty Typewriter, then I did Cobb's Comedy in San Francisco, and then COVID hit the day after on March 9th. And I had like a whole, the whole nation planned. So that got canceled. Well, is that, how did it feel though? Were you, do you feel like you're on, were you getting your sea legs or was it hard?

Yeah, well, I did stand-up. I was in it for about a year. I had been writing comedy for a while. I'd been writing comedy sketches. I dated a stand-up for a year who actually subconsciously taught me a lot before I knew I wanted to do stand-up. Was it Chris D'Elia? No. Just a guess. Thank God. I've never had sex with Chris D'Elia. That's my claim to fame. You're the only one. But do you think Chris D'Elia is hot? At first I didn't, but I've never, I've never, I've never been around him. I've never been around him. I don't think he's not hot, but I'm not like going my way to be like, but you're saying, you're saying, you're saying in theory though, you would, you're interested. In theory, if he wasn't a huge douchebag and pretend he was a little humble, I would let him chase me for a while. Okay, wow, okay. But he seems like if you're in the same room as him and the cocktails are flowing, he probably has some type of magical skills that he has where he's able to have sex with all of these people. One thing I was taught in college, just to bring this back, that changed me for a long time. I have a feeling this won't be anything in a class. No, I wasn't. I was at a bar and I was on the tennis team. And let me be clear. I know you think that we were a big deal in college. The tennis team wasn't. But we knew like a lot of the hockey guys, the basketball guys, we all trained together. And I saw I was a freshman. I saw the captain of the hockey team and he went up to me and said something. And I go, oh, my God, you're the captain of the hockey team. And my friend grabs me by my shirt, puts me to her face. She was a senior on the team. And she goes, one number one rule. Don't you ever give them that satisfaction. And from that day forward, any guy who thinks he has a big dick, you don't give it to them. And then it's like the more popular, famous or rich they are, the more you ignore them. And it's just a game. It's just a game. Love is a game. That's good advice. And all of them are narcissists. So you don't even want them. You don't even want to trap them at the end of the day. It's just the chase. Well, thanks for teaching us how to fuck hot guys.

You're welcome. I've been trying to figure it out for a while. That's the title of this pod, How to Fuck Hot Guys. Well, I mean, I have been watching you on TV, I have to admit. Oh, wow. And, I mean, this show, I feel like, is truly taking on a life of its own. And I know, I don't... Why are you laughing so much at that? Because I don't... I shot it last year. I was on a season, and it got, like, a little bit of attention. And then this season, I don't even, because we're all quarantined, I don't even know how many people really, like, have taken their liking to it. Let me tell you something. This shit is lit. You guys are eclipsing Vanderpump Rules as the Bravo, like, show. Wow. For the, like, media elite of New York and L.A. to talk about. Shut the fuck up. Yes, yes. See, I didn't even know that. Yes, and I have some questions pertaining to the show, particularly. First of all, What's Luke's dick game like? So Luke and I have never had sex. Don't lie to me on this fucking podcast. You don't think I'd be like, yeah, he has a dope dick? No, we've never had sex. Again, I like to play games. Is he religious? No, he's one of those weird guys that he likes to have... sex without emotion and he enjoys it, he doesn't think about it. Weird guys. I've never met a guy like this, but he has sex and he doesn't care about the girl. It's insane. You guys are laughing too hard. Sorry, I'm just shocked. That's disgusting to hear something like that. It's gross and I would hope that men would mature a little bit. But then he had feelings for me and didn't... couldn't have sex with me because it would be too complicated. Where I'm the kind of person where I only want to have sex with guys who I, like, have a crush on. But you liked him, though, right? I liked him, yeah. He's very good looking. I get it. I see the appeal. Yeah, he's very good looking. He has very good banter. It seems like he doesn't have a job, though. He actually, he's a hockey coach. That's where he makes his money. Like, he works in...

like rich families who want their kids to learn hockey and the Minnesota guys are like very well respected in New York city to teach like the rich kids hockey. This is a new industry I'm learning about because hockey is the least appealing sport on earth to me. So it doesn't seem like the cross section between hockey and rich people doesn't seem like they go together very well. It's kind of like, yeah, it's, it's not like a huge amount of New Yorkers, but they found their niche. But also he was like, very successful model like he was like the face of um i think like hollister or or american eagle or some shit like some regular ass white boy shit he was in these like national campaigns like his face was like on the paper bag that i was holding when i was 14 it's pretty he just like had a very success it's hard to break out in modeling and he You got discovered by Josh Hartnett's manager. Wow. I love him telling you that, like, over a candlelit night at that red house. Yeah, I was like, that was a little too detailed. I didn't need all those details. Save it, bro. I don't care. I was like, is Josh Hartnett single? What's the deal? So did you or did you not go to Minnesota? So after the show, he then was, like, teaching hockey a lot, and, like, he didn't go to Minnesota. so like so you couldn't go with him because he didn't go he didn't go and then it just yeah we kept talking and we we had like a couple moments where like, he just wouldn't, I thought he would have sex with me after the show. I'm like, maybe it's the cameras. And I was like, I love a challenge. So like, there must've been like five really good guys in my life who were like, Hey, I'd love to speak with you. And I was like, I have something better to focus on. I'd love to speak with you. That's how, that's how I'm glad that's how men are respectful. They're like, excuse me, Hannah, I would like to speak with you about possibly having sexual intercourse. Are you available to discuss? All I wanted was this dude to not respect me.

But he was just like, I care about you. I have so many feelings for you. And in my head, I was like, I don't see myself necessarily dating you because I just didn't see him for me. I didn't see it like that. Well, the American public, I think, wanted it to happen. But it was just because everybody else was so vanilla that it was kind of like an interesting match, you know? Yeah, and I don't want to say it was like a work crush. But, like, there was no part of me. Work crush? No part of me was trying to be like, I'm not going to hook up with this guy because he had sex with another girl. I'm like, what am I going to do? Fuck around alone in a hot tub? Like, no, he was the guy that I was flirting with. And also, I made out with other guys during the summer too. Like, I wasn't Miss Innocent. We know you're not Miss Innocent. No one is under that impression. But the, I mean, did you, what is your actual relation to the show? Like, how did you, because it felt a little bit like you were cast. if I'm being honest, as like a funny person. Well, thank you. That's a nice thing anyone ever said about me. They had the show the first two seasons. I think a lot of people are binging right now. I recommend it if you want more of the craziness. It's like a drunken psych ward. That's what I like to call it. And after two seasons, the ratings weren't very high. I think they were trying to be like the new Vanderpump, but we're so different than Vanderpump. I don't think you can like... advertise it like that i think it's a whole different young energy and they um i had actually been working for this media company where i was editing comedy videos interviewing people and i interviewed carl this other guy who used to be on the show and i was just making fun of them i never watched the show i was like it was a interview in like december and i and they were like interviewed these guys and i was like what do i interview them about and i was like what do you guys do in the winter what does summerhouse do in the winter and i made them do like a rose they bong it was so stupid but carl and i like we like

we were friendly and like, then I'd see the summer cast house around and they knew who I was. I'd met Lindsay, I'd met Danielle. Um, and then I got a call basically like, Hey, we're looking to like get a whole new cast shakeup. And we know, you know, cast members, they said that you were like, you're outgoing, you're fun. And I said, look, I've never wanted to do reality TV. I've never thought of it. That's what they all say. That's what they all say. I've never applied to The Bachelor. I wanted to be a comedian. I wanted to be a comedian. But I didn't want to be a stand-up yet. Actually, what's fucking freaky is I quit my job in sales and marketing and just said, I manifested. I said, this is some LA shit, Jason. I manifested. And I said, I want to be. doing video i want to be video tv that's what i want to do and you want to be on camera you want to be on camera yeah so two years later i was on camera turns out reality tv just enables you to do the things you actually want to do which is like i started my stand-up career i started my podcasting i'm my instagram has been super fun creating content and i've been meeting a lot of cool people but i basically said to them i said look I don't want to be your hot mess. I want to be like show that girls can be funny and strong and smart. Turned out I am the hot mess, but I think to be fair, it's more of a competition of who's the most hot mess of everyone. And I don't know if I would go that far for you. Well, people would say to me this season, they were like, we think you're one of like the stars this season. But I've heard people say like, If you're the star of a reality show, it's not a good thing. Like it means you had to fuck up a lot of ways to be there. So I had a pretty messy season, but, but I've learned, I go into it, not trying to be perfect. I'm not trying to be aspirational. I'm trying to show it's about making mistakes and then trying to solve it. And that's what America wants to see is you, how you handle your mistakes. I want to see, I want to see upper middle class white people from New York going to the Hamptons and fucking each other too. That's exactly what I want to see. Thank you.

Thank you for summarizing that perfectly. I say it's, it's, yeah, it's us fucking and fighting on the weekends. What else do you want? But you don't hang out with these people. These are not, this is, this is work. These aren't necessarily, you're friendly, but you're not like kicking it with them on the weekends. So no, we, we're good friends. Um, I'd say we fight often. So like I went a time period where me and Lindsay didn't talk this winter. Cause we got into a fight. Um, I, there's people on like me, Paige and Amanda. Me and Paige are very close. We talk every day. We're actually real life best friends. And Amanda, we talk to. We're good. Luke talks to me every day. He calls me every day still. He talks to me. I don't talk to him, but he talks to me. I like to just make it clear. I'm not calling him. He's calling me and I answer because I need the attention. Sure. That's why Jason does this podcast with me. Starving for it. Starving. But I do think that these people become, we get this weird connection that like you have with them that other people don't have. And I do think in the beginning, I was more like, yay, new friends. And then like after a year, I was like, I can only stand so much of these people in certain times. But like, I love them all to death. And when we're together, I think we finally hit our stride this last season with the chemistry is unreal. What other friend group can you guarantee there will be a different great fight every time you sit down to dinner seamlessly? Well, I think the cameras help that. But, yes, I would agree. No, like, we fight during winter, too. It's really absurd. We fight during winter, too. We have so many strong personalities. Like, we have a dinner. We had a dinner recently over the winter. And, you know, Lindsay's yelling at people. Someone's crying. Someone left early. It's the same bullshit. That feels exhausting to me. Yeah, it's so exhausting. And I hate confrontation. Really? You could have fooled me. Well, the show. has actually made me mature. Just listen to me on this. Expand on that, queen. Yeah. Yes. We're going to leave it alone. Because you live your whole life trying to live in your comfort zone or pushing yourself a little bit when you can. But overall, you...

I'm forced and put into social situation I would never force myself to be in that ultimately made me like grow and learn about myself as a person. Like you get in a fight with someone and the next day you just happen to be stuck in an Uber with them going to a restaurant and them interrogating you about something. Or like you're dealing with a guy and you have to explain to the group your feelings on it where normally you would just ignore it and like three months later like burn his house down. Yes, yeah. So, okay. Now the other, you know, on this podcast, we like to unpack financials. That's something that we're very good at because we love Hollywood. We love the ins and outs of the industry. So let's talk about pay scale, baby. Are you guys splitting this shit or are some people the stars and some people getting a little bit less coin? The more seasons you're on, the more you get paid. Interesting. And that's how there's less drama. Huh. So is anybody from the cast involved in production? No. No one helped create the show? No. Okay. Because that's common with reality shows. Kyle likes to think he did, but he didn't. Damn. Damn. That's why he's selling canned rosé now. Hollywood's different for Kyle. Well, are you going to do it again? We are in talks of trying to find out, because we have so much great momentum, a way of having a kind of quarantine house, possibly. Because people want more, and nothing's been greenlit, nothing's been confirmed, but that's the rumor on the street. Not to be a shithead, but how would you do that? I don't understand how that would work. So instead of us being in New York City, going to Hamptons every weekend, we would do a six-week... work from the mansion and work during the week and see what happened. It would be kind of like you would all, okay. So you would all live in a house and they would show you during the week, but then on the weekends you would all convene.

And but like during the week, we'd be together in the house. A lot of us do work from home. I mean, I don't know. We're going to do filmy editing my podcast or like doing a stand up IG live show bombing. I don't know. But yeah, then people will will see like kind of our work stuff. And then I guess we're fighting. We didn't think it through, actually. Doesn't sound like it. Doesn't sound like it. No, that's OK. Also, it's not my fucking job. I'm not I'm like. People are asking me. I'm like, I just show up and start fights. Have you been doing a lot of press for this now that the season's over? Or is it pretty mellow? So it's a ton of press during season because things happen. People want your perspectives on it. But now we have one more episode, actually. called Secrets Revealed, where they show you a lot of scenes that they just couldn't fit into the 14 episodes. I love seeing some people I don't know having sex under a blanket in grainy surveillance footage. That's my favorite. That's what makes Summer House so good. No other show on Bravo. has that kind of like hidden camera Big Brother-esque-ness because the best shit happens when we get home and we're just being stupid. Well, this is what I say all the time about reality television because I have been a fan forever and I participated somewhat in my past life. Oh. Well, not in a business sense, not necessarily an on-camera sense, but the... The thing that people aren't thinking about is that people are on drugs and they can't show that. And it's like, it's like when somebody is screaming and fucking yelling, it looks like their eyes are going to pop out of their head. It's not because they've had too much fireballs because they're doing cocaine. Like that's what's happening. Like it's crazy. And like for the, I think a lot of people that watch these shows, if they don't have experience doing drugs, they don't fully process that. And I think that's like a huge missing link to the whole thing. One thing I do just want to say is that I do not. do any drugs yeah but you're not yelling and screaming i'm not talking about you well i guess okay you prove my point i'm just saying there's a there's a certain kind of person on every show you're like oh that guy's on coke for sure there's no way how do you stay up till six in the morning it just doesn't work it just doesn't work that way and i cannot support that statement because i will get in trouble you don't need you don't i disagree with you you don't need to support the statement because we got facts on this side no i've gotten in trouble before and i can't

Wow. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah, we can't be fucking up her money, Chris. She's only been on one season. I need to pay my rent. She already had to move home, so it's not looking good. I'm living with my parents. I'm still paying rent in Long Island City. You've been on Watch What Happens Live, right? Oh, my gosh. It's so sad. Well, first, Paige and I are first year. We came in hot. We were like two new girls. I think we had a great season, but we just got asked to be the bartenders when Kyle was on. Damn, shots fired. That was fucked up. But this season, finally, I get a call and they go, Hannah, we want you on Watch What Happens Live. And I was like, this is every Bravo Lebrity's moment. Wow. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. You just called yourself a Bravo Lebrity. It's what it's called. It's what it's called. I'm just saying the facts. Call it a Bravo Lebrity. Am I proud of it? Yes. So it happens that this call, and I'm freaking out. They're like, we need, I order clothes. I set up my spray tan. This is what you have to do when you're in New York City, Jason. And he gets it. And it was two days before the city shut down. And the city shut down because of Corona. And then I did my first Watch What Happens Live over Zoom at my parents' house. And I'm not going to lie. I did well was not the same. There's something beautiful that you go in. You have your hair and makeup person, which I never have. You have your family sitting there. They're all proud. You have a live audience. Andy Cohen, he comes in. He says hi. I was dreaming of that. But it turns out maybe I should. I should make my dreams. Dream higher, you know? Dream higher. I had a book come out a few years ago, and the only thing I asked my publisher was that I wanted to be the bartender and watch what happens live, and they couldn't make that happen. Dude, apparently it's the hardest seats to get in New York City. Hamilton's easier than getting a seat on Watch What Happens Live. There's like 25 people sitting. No, no, no. I'm going to be the bartender. Don't worry about it. I will work my way in. I can hook it up easy for you. My best friend is his assistant. I mean, I'm willing to pretty say this. Will you do it with no shirt on? I don't think we're there yet, but maybe. What do you mean? You mean like you're not fit enough yet or mentally ready? A little from column A, a little from column B. Yeah, I don't know.

But maybe if I had a spray tan. Yeah, figure it out because don't manifest it and then not be ready for your goals, you know? Oh, no, but I mean, I'm ready. Like, don't get me wrong. I would be ready. I'm a game time guy. You know what I mean? When the coach puts me in, I fucking play. Okay, well, it's nipples or nothing, so figure it out. My God, I've never heard that catchphrase before. I actually just made that up. You are. It's good. It feels like a man has told that to you before. I know. It feels like I've been sexually harassed in multiple work scenarios. No, I created that. Are your DMs lit with men throwing themselves at you? Oh, my DMs are just more DMs. My DMs are just crowded of like a lot of really cool, nice girls being like, hey, we left Summer House. Then like people trying to get information. Then people asking me to do them favors. It's mostly that. And then like one. Then, like, a couple creepy dudes. And, like, I don't know. I haven't found any legitimate guys to date. What kind of favors do people ask of you? No, it's a lot of, like, can you tell my mom happy birthday? Can you go on this podcast? Can you retweet this? Can you go on this Zoom call? And, like, imagine that times 500. So, like, recently I've been having a mental breakdown when I check my DMs because I want to make everyone happy and I can't. And then I, like, yeah, I just – it's kind of annoying. Because I'm not at the fame where, like – I don't respond to DMS. Like I'm kind of like, you can't, you're just being a dick. But then you're, I'm also at a point where I'm overwhelmed with the amount of people. You're not on the Efron level to where if, if you don't get a response, then it's no surprise. Like if he does respond, it's weird. Are you okay? Yeah. Like, why are you looking at this? So you, I want to, I want to talk to you about your podcast as well. You said that it has become sort of a revenue stream for you in these trying times of Corona? Yeah, my podcast pays my rent. Sick. I'm about 80 or so episodes in. I started it right before I went on Summer House.

I had a lawyer basically be like, look, you're going to, whatever you do, just don't be forgettable. Either have people like love you or hate you. And the people who love you, you then can like go on a journey with and like, be like, do you want to listen to my podcast? Do you want to follow me on Instagram? Great advice. So your lawyer told you this? My lawyer, my lawyer. Okay. So he was a lawyer actually for. Teresa Giudice. Yes. So he was my lawyer. Can I get a translation on who that person is, please? Oh, yeah. Chris, you can explain. The breakout star of Real Housewives of New Jersey. The last name is Giudice? Giudice. It should be Giudice, I think, in Italian, but it got Americanized to Giudice. So her husband is getting deported. She's one of the most famous and also a storied past. crimes and like embezzlement and getting deported she's a legendary bitch yeah she flipped a table once that's very famous it's probably not in your circle jason where you would hear of it but it's a very the table flip heard around the world besides men who don't watch bravo but she has this lawyer his name's jim leonard and he's the shit and i had a friend and i was like i just got this bravo contract i don't know what to do and they go i got a guy for you so he's let me get big jim on the horn He's a criminal lawyer from New Jersey who also does a lot of the New Jersey Housewives contracts and stuff. And he was just like, look, I know the game. I'm going to tell you what you need to do. And I was like, hell yeah. I'd rather this than some nerdy dude who doesn't know shit about reality TV. And he gave me some great advice about just being myself and how to just not be so scared on camera. He told me, he said, start a podcast. So I'd been working for this company where I was interviewing all these reality TV people, these celebrities. And I started to realize all these people with fame and money were so fucked up. Like I was seeing them in person, how they dealt day to day. And I'm like, oh my God.

You guys maybe have more issues than the person who isn't chasing fame. And I decided to start a podcast called Burning in Hell, B-E-R-N. It's a fun pun of my name. Oh, yeah. Wow. Thank you. I talk to people about their demons and their darkness and their biggest insecurities. So, you know, anyone from entrepreneurs to famous comedians to reality TV stars. And I'm just like. what do you hate about yourself? And we talk about it and it's made everyone, I realized everyone's just so much more similar than not similar. And just cause sometimes cause you're successful, you really like, I talked to, um, who's Ryan from million dollar listing, Chris. Oh yes. Ryan Serhant. Yes. So this guy is like this. multi multi multi billionaire tv star real estate mogul and he's just like every day i'm scared i'm gonna lose it all and i can't sleep and i i work till like my head bleeds and i thank god i found my wife because she at least keeps me sane and you're just like damn that doesn't sound pleasant so what are what are the things that you hate about yourself oh my god great question i think um I come from a past with tennis where I dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression because I was talented and I realized people around me would only like be happy when I won. So I just feel this constant need to like perform to like get people's or like I have to earn, I have to win to be lovable and stuff. So that's what I'm working on. So I decided to go on a rally TV show to see if America would love me. Yeah. It seems like it's working. well i actually dealt with the most hate i've ever dealt with this season because i was in a lot more scenes and i think it's the universe trying to teach me how to be like hey people are gonna hate you move the fuck on yeah i think that's probably like one it seems like that's one of the hardest things to learn about being a healthy mentally healthy celebrity is really not letting that stuff affect you and not reading the comments and all that shit imagine being a celebrity whose life

um of the summer gets cut down to 42 minute episodes and then you're judged on those 42 minutes when they're trying to tell a certain story that works for them and it's all edited by people whose job is it to make it look as messy and fucked up as possible exactly and you sign a waiver that says they can do whatever they want yeah there was just one thing that happened this season that i kind of fucked me and then i was getting called like horrible things online because like they didn't show an apology and they didn't show, like, oh, I mean, this is what, now it's been revealed, so I can say it. This girl, Jules, was getting kicked out of the house. It wasn't my idea. And then they cut to me, and I just was like, she doesn't connect with me. I don't feel connected, and she needs to own her shit. And people were like, she didn't do anything to you. You're a fucking bully. You're a fucking mean girl. You're a fucking terrible. You're a horrible person. My DMs. And when there's, like, four people, you're like, okay, imagine 500 people in your DMs. um being like you disrespect the only girl of color you're a fucking like horrible things when realistically she the week before had gotten in a drunken fight with luke and slapped him in the face and i was like girl you are not okay and like i don't still say people who are like that out of control and i didn't there were multiple reasons why i didn't like the girl but none of it was shown and then i just said she's to own her shit and i got like so attacked because they showed her as just like this innocent they really did they really did dude she and she she let carl hit though which i find crazy well everyone was like how could this little angel ever and it's like yeah because you didn't you don't know the full story and also carl wasn't even mad at her carl had over consumed And was Carl? I laugh with Jules about it now, and I'm like, do you realize that that's just initiation? Is Carl blackout yelling at you for no reason? He yelled at me multiple times that summer that wasn't seen. And I was like, dude, that's just part of being in the house. You get yelled at Carl when you least expect it. But anyway. Carl's one of the worst dressed people on reality television, I have to say. But is he? Because he gets a lot of attention for it, and they say. All of those guys. He's peacocking.

All of those guys on that show dress like shit. Like honestly, they need help. It's crazy. The best part about it was that Luke comes in and Carl and Kyle are used to just being like preppy boys, whatever, douchey. And then Luke comes in with his like big hat and like a bandana and like jewelry and like ripped shirt. Carl shows up the next weekend with a big hat. And we all were like, guys don't say, bro, you look good. I think they just start copying each other. And I was like, Carl, take off that hat. That's actually a pretty deep observation. I guess because I work in fashion, so do a lot of my friends, we would talk about it pretty openly. But regular bros don't have the vocabulary. No, yeah, they'll just notice something and be like... Okay, and then next thing you know, he was dressing just like Luke, and we were like, God damn it, Carl. It's actually impressive, I think, because I say this all the time, because people in LA dress like shit because they don't see other people. They're in cars and stuff. But in New York, I find that most guys, especially if they have a little bit of money, just kind of figure it out from being around and walking down the street. But your cast members prove that that's not true. It's funny, and Luke has so much free clothing from his endeavors of modeling. When he wants to, but he has this thing. We went to a winery, and he had to wear a ripped shirt. And his thing is like, I'm just me, man. I'm just doing me. Don't come at me, man. I'm just doing me. And I'm like, okay, but there's also a little appropriateness at times. But he was just like, I'm a small-town boy. If I looked like that, I would wear ripped shirts more often than shirts that weren't ripped, I think. Valid point. I can't really – like I think he found his look and even though it's not good, it's better than the rest. Yeah. I don't hate his style. When he wore cowboy boots, it was funny to me too. I love cowboy boots. I think if done right, it's really cool. Hell yeah. I think – I mean girls wearing it, I think it could be cute. Guys, it's hard to pull off unless you're very stylish or you look like him.

I think it's more like, yeah, how good looking you are. And also like, if you actually grew up wearing that or like your dad did, then it feels a little more natural. A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. That's why, that's why Jason wears tank tops. Cause he's from California and that's just what he, can you tell Hannah how, how jealous Chris is that you were on this TV show and he was not. We might be casting. Are you single? No, I'm not. Okay. So you won't, you won't be good. I don't think you know. Well, I'm also sober, so I'm really not the guy for that. True. You'd be terrible on the show. Well, actually, maybe it would be my opportunity to be like a voice of reason. Oh, I thought you were going to say maybe my opportunity to ruin my life and get back on the wagon. It would be the perfect reason to quit my sobriety. Let me know. Yeah, I mean, well, let me see what the check's looking like. You know what I mean? Well, Carl just announced that he's sober. Like for real, for real, like in the program or just like he's announcing that he's sober because he looks so bad on TV? He's announcing that he's sober and that he's going to therapy. That's what he said. Well, maybe there needs to be some more sober representation on reality television. Maybe I could come in and be his Carl's sober coach. Yeah, I could be his sober coach. Big C in Big CB. I don't think he has a budget. I just don't want the show to turn into like. a sad 37 year old trying not to drink around a bunch of people drunk at a party, trying to have fun. Like that's not what I want the show to be. First of all, first of all, I'm not sad. I am 37, but I'm a lot of fun. And I've, I was talking about Carl. Oh, I'm sorry. Wait, I listened to Chris. You sounded like a single mom's dating profile. I am 37, but I am a lot of fun. I've partied more than all of you losers combined. I just had to stop. Now you're just taking it out of me. I was talking about Carl. Well, I'm actually, Carl, you know, from what I witnessed, Carl did need to probably slow it down. So I'm happy to hear that. All jokes aside. No, but my thing is, I just worry, like, next steps. I hope that he, like, finds either a balance.

Or, like, I just don't want it to be cut that, you know, Hannah's a bad influence on Carl. No, I mean, I think— Whenever I drink Fireball, they're like, Hannah's triggering him. I mean, you guys drinking Fireball out of the bottle is absolutely insane, babe. Who does that? Is it? Yes, who fucking does that? It's a social—well, this is the thing. I would not do, like, tequila out of the bottle, maybe one shot each. But, like, the Fireball goes down so easy, it becomes like we're drinking Gatorade after, you know, basketball game before Corona? When you're like, oh, I'm so thirsty, throw it here. That's what it becomes before we go out with a fireball. Jason, have you ever drank fireball out of the bottle in your life? Yes, I have, actually. And every time I drink fireball, I'm mad at myself for how much I like it. It's delicious. It's fucked up. It goes down so much softer than vodka or tequila. That wasn't really around. That wasn't a thing when I was partying. Tequila and Jägermeister were still the things that you would take shots of. You could just taste how bad it is for you in every way. It's just a mountain of sugar, the lowest quality alcohol that you can legally sell. But something about it is... It's low-key delicious. It does the job. But the amount of Fireball that gets drank on that show, it feels like it's a cast member. Honestly, it's like crazy. And I know they're doing it on purpose to show people swigging from the bottle because it's like, look how fucked up they're getting. And honestly, it works. I mean, also, let's say you want to make out and you don't have gum on you. Swig Fireball. Same thing. Wow. That's a real reality show pro tip right there. Yep. You never know when some guy is going to go in for – or some girl. You never know. Wait, didn't you – were you – there was a crossover episode with my Kings from Southern Charm, right? Yeah. As a Southern person, that's really the show I should be on if I had to choose. But those guys – which one were you flirting with? Austin. I like him, but he's a little too nice for you, I think. I think –

Did you hit? No, I didn't hit because he has complications with Madison happening, but we were attracted. Yeah, who knows what that is. I literally don't know what's going on with them, but me and Austin are friends. We've called each other on the phone. We're cool, but I don't know what's happened. I don't know how you could have a relationship after what they've gone through, but I think they're together right now. I like him because he's tall, and that's why I came at him. I was like, you're going to handle a New York girl, but he's... He's a talker and he's fun to flirt with. How do you think being on a reality show has changed you as a person? Have you always been like this exactly? Or has something changed? Are your parents worried about you? I've literally always been like this. But when I played tennis, I was very subdued. And I really think just because you were good at something doesn't mean you have to do it. And I just felt like so much of my personality and creativity wasn't being used. And I was focusing because I was a hyper kid. So I was put into tennis and other sports. And tennis caused so much. like depression for me like i dealt with a lot of like i would get the yips like i was playing one for the university of wisconsin and like lost my second serve like underhand serving against duke and like it was i just went through so much bullshit in my own fucked up head and then it was just like a perfect segue to comedy being like wait i could be goofy creative and make fun of all my like mental problems and then my parents They watch every episode with me. They listen on my podcast. They are the most supportive things because they've seen me be in dark places. And they're just like, as long as you're happy and creating and being authentically you, we don't care. And if you ask any of my friends, they'd be like, yeah, we could see Hannah on reality TV. No one said it to me at the time. But after the fact, they were like, you're exactly the same. I just think now I have more people listen to my stupid shit, which has gotten me in trouble.

Yeah, I just have a bigger audience now. It feels like it's going pretty – I don't know. It seems like you're fairly well-adjusted considering. Yeah, I also think when you were an athlete, I grew up with a lot of attention and pressure from that. So this, I'm like, you just want me to go on stage for five minutes and I don't even win or lose after. I just get some laughs or don't. Hell yeah. Or someone says something. I'm actually pretty good with hate comments. I just didn't like when people were calling me a bully. Say I have bad taste in men. Say that I'm like – Greasy. Say that I don't brush my hair enough. Yeah, you're right. Cool. No one cares. Greasy? I won't say that I get, well, 10 hours in, my makeup, and I'm Italian, I get oily skin. And everyone would be like, has Hannah even fucking showered? I'm like, honestly, I should have taken a shower, but I didn't. You're right. Okay, okay. Good answer. I don't even know where to go after this. But I like it. Well, I'm glad that tennis has sort of mentally prepared you to handle all this other stuff in life. What's going on with your actual real life dating life? Oh, that's the one thing. It's made it much more difficult. Really? Yeah, it's bad. Because, I mean, last season I met this sweet, nice man. His name was Armand. About like two months before filming. And we were like hanging out every day, having so much fun. Does our mom work at Anchor, the home of all podcasts? Yeah, he does. Okay, sick. Yeah, we're familiar with him. I talk to him all the time. Yeah, he has a sexy voice. I was seeing him because we were like just friends. He was in my friend group. He helped me launch my podcast. And we just started hanging. We just started hanging out. I didn't even have to put out and he helped us launch this podcast. I was, yeah. It was like started as a friendship. And then at some point, I just like loved spending time with him. And then one day I was like, oh, by the way, in three weeks, I'm going to have to start filming my life. So if you want to be on it and continue whatever this is, that's cool. And if you don't, then like we can end it. It's totally cool. Like I wasn't with him long enough to be like.

I'm going to stay with you regardless of what you want. I'm like, this is my career. This is what I have to do. And he was like, sure. And then three weeks in, I was like, this poor guy, like he didn't sign up for this shit. Like I didn't expect to meet Luke and like it, I had to, we ended it. But he, so now like. I'm kind of talking. I'm not going to say. It's not real. It's not going to go well. But let's say I'm talking to someone right now. Let's say. Let me say. Maybe I'm talking to somebody right now. I'm talking to a guy that I know it's going to end badly. But we're talking. Did you know him pre-show? Or did he come at you after the show? He actually came at me after the show over a dating app. But he had known. fucking carl and his hat the connection to everything everyone because he parties so much so he's like hey i went out with carl one night i'm like so did everyone and their mom and and then i messaged i was like bored one night and then we started talking and then now i have to do the whole if we film in two months like I'm gone all summer filming and either you're with it or you're not. And it's like so many guys in New York are like finance guys or lawyers or just people that can't do reality TV. So that's not helpful. And then also what's been more annoying is like average dating. Like I'll be on Hinge and a guy who I'm like, oh, he's cute. Then he'll be like quoting a tweet at me that I wrote or something. And I'm like, I don't know. It turns me off. I don't like it. I hate fans too. It's really tough. no like i don't mean to say i hate fans it's more just like it it i want to be on the same like balanced mindset as them and if they're coming from a like i want to suck your dick immediately place i don't it's not attractive to me yeah you you you you will fuck a fan but you don't want to wipe down a fan I don't even know if I'd fuck a fan because I don't want them telling all their friends that they fucked me like I was like, oh, I fucked that girl on Instagram. Don't put me on a pedestal before I earn it, I guess, is what I'm saying. Wow. That's what I have to say to every person I've ever met. I understand. I'm changing my bio to don't put me on a pedestal right now.

But yeah, so that's actually made it harder for me. I went on a date once with a guy, and at one point he was like, a lot of my friends watch your show. And I was like, oh, cool. And he was like, they said that I should kiss you. And I was like, what? And then it just got weird. And then I was like, I don't like this. And then I just left. And I was like, ugh. I just felt like everyone knew we were on that date. I didn't like that. And then I also hang out with comedians all the time, which are... Terrible people to date. So dating comedians, everyone says it's bad. Yeah, I did it for a year. I was in therapy for two years. I'm not doing it again. That's not a fair tradeoff from what I can tell. No, but I did come out stronger. Are female or male comedians more difficult to date? What do you think? I think that I've never dated a female comedian, but a lot of male comedians are tough. But you've been a female comedian. I am a female comedian. Are you saying am I tough to date? I think that a lot of male comedians can be narcissistic. Comedians are just thinking about themselves all day, and it's their performance and their thing. Dating a narcissist can be super dangerous for your emotional health. They love bombing you in the beginning, and then next thing you know, they don't. I have trouble dating male comedians because also there's, like, a weird competitiveness of, like, who's funnier. And, like, in comedy, like, they love being, like, well, I'm the funnier one. And, like, that's so weird to say. Like, funny is such a general concept. Maybe you're a better stand-up than me. But, like, I've been in... weird situations where like i just want honestly the funniest people are sometimes the people who are not even trying just their expression in a room just like the way they react to things it doesn't need to be the loudest guy in the room like killing punch lines it's actually fucking obnoxious and annoying sorry i'm going off i agree um and then female comics i think are hard too because especially they say pretty female comics it's like you're the really fucked up one because it's like you don't get enough attention from being hot you have to also make everyone laugh in the room too like what kind of sick hate do you have for yourself so maybe that's where I'm at but something about that is also kind of alluring as well you know well comics are so alluring Nikki Glaser has a joke where it's like Pete Davidson like everyone wants to fuck him and it's almost like this old school like

the guy leading the herd with his microphone, that he's the leader, and he's telling everyone what he knows, and you sexually want to fuck that. Where girls, it's not... I don't have guys after shows necessarily wanting to fuck me. I think a lot of guys are intimidated by me. And I hate to say that, but I think... Really? Because it sounded like you loved it. Loved what? Sang it. I did. It was true and it was honest. But I think a lot of guys will be worried that I, I don't know, will make fun of them, but I will. I just want someone that can make fun of me back. It's tough. It's hard to find somebody who can do that and also be hot and successful, etc. I dated a very... funny comedian, and he's going to hate this, say this, whatever. He goes, or like you would say, you'll never date anyone funnier than me, and it's like, that's where you're wrong. Funniness is a compatibility. It's not like that you have whatever specials or whatever. It's about finding someone that makes you fucking feel good. Yeah, it's very, very subjective. So that's what I've learned from comedy and dating. But yeah, some comics are so personable and so charming, so they're easy to fall for. Who are your favorite comedians of all time, do you think? Oh my God, great question. I grew up, you know who I loved? I loved Cat Williams. Whoa, wow. That's this podcast number one comedian. Really? He's my favorite. Jason put me on. Jason put me on. Dude, hustling, hustling. He's the best. He's such a performer. He's incredible. He did get in a fight with an eight-year-old or something and lost, but that's beside the point. He did get his ass kicked by a high school student. That's okay. He's a little guy. He's a little guy. Nobody can touch cats on stage charisma, you know? I also love the... the simplicity of like Jim Gaffigan where he just like the food jokes growing up I'm trying to think like when I was really young and then like I do I think Amy Schumer like is and Nikki Glaser both have been like very inspirational to me and like Nikki Glaser has um kind of taken me under her wing and like would take me to the comedy cellar and like I'd watch all her sets and like just like talk about life and shit and she's been just such like a

Great inspiration for me. And she's killing the game. I mean, from her roasts, her stand-up special, she's great. And I like Sarah Silverman. I just like people that... You know who I also fucking really love right now? Lil Dicky. Wow, we've had a lot of Dicky discourse on this podcast. Yeah, I only recently discovered him. Have you watched the show? I actually haven't. So what do you like about him? So what is there to like about him? His show is the only thing that people have liked. Okay, let's not say his music is trash. I mean, I'm sorry, but his music is trash. That's a guarantee. Freaky Friday was a fucking bop. It's definitely been played at Y7. Your DJ career is immediately canceled. You're not my demo. Maybe you can get into bottle service work or maybe valet some situation, but I don't know if Freaky Friday is going to cut it. It's so funny. Well, this month he was a little dicky. I didn't really understand who he was. Like, I'd heard about him. I'm, like, friends with Andrew Santino, who I know was on the show with him. And I started digging into it, and I was like, I love that this guy has no rules and, like, did not follow any, like, he doesn't stay in any box. And, like, I almost... want to follow his like career mindset of like don't tell me how to do something or how to like because stand-up can be very like you gotta bomb in basements for seven years and then you can and like i don't play that game i like i've people want to put me in a box like you're a reality star you're a comedian or you're an influencer and it's like i don't care call me whatever i'm just trying to make that money um no i just want to create but i want to create we can we can agree with that on this podcast i just love creating and little dicky he wanted to have a tv show a comedy tv show and he like started writing funny comedy sketches i'm yeah sketches and and songs and then somehow got chris brown and then the way he's done it like stand-ups would never approve but now they accept him into the game despite him like not bombing a basement for seven years and i think that's fucking awesome and they'll respect him more than like

YouTubers who are getting booked on nationwide standup tours or something like that. Exactly. Exactly. But it's also, I'm trying to get these people to understand that like, there's so many talented people out there that may have just gone a different route and found their passion a different way. But I think he just seems fearless and he's just seems like a cool creative guy, but no, I haven't watched Dave. I heard it's good. Well, this is really, this is interesting that this has turned into a pro Dickie podcast. I would have never expected this, Jason. I know. I'm learning a lot about myself, and I don't like it. It's causing me to gaze inward. I feel awful. I mean, I love changing. I love self-discovery. I love evolving and growing as a person. I don't want to like Lil Dicky. I'm not ready to do that yet. I'm not either. I'm not either, but I haven't watched the show. And I'm Team Breezy. We're also not Team Breezy. You are Team Breezy. That's another issue. I cannot, again, I do not get in trouble. We're not Team Breezy. I would rather Chris Brown do all of his bad Chris Brown stuff than, like, Lil Dicky saying the N-word and getting away with it. That seems like more of an offense to me. Okay, well, who do you hate more? Women or racism? That's what it boils down to, doesn't it? Are you sexist or racist? Pick a side. I wish I could. Luckily, Chris Brown handles both. All right, Hannah, it's been great having you on the show. Thank you for joining us. I don't know if your team breezy or not, but we'll keep it moving. You can tell our devout listeners where they can find you on the World Wide Web. Yeah, everyone check out my... Comedy podcast Burning in Hell where I talk to people about their demons, B-E-R-N. And check out Summer House if you haven't watched it on BravoTV.com or wherever. I don't know. You guys are smart. You'll figure it out. And then on Instagram, beingburns, B-E-I-N-G-B-E-R-N-Z. Wow. It was a real pleasure. Thank you for answering. So much fun. Nice to have a pro on the podcast with media training who knows how to do plugs when it's time to plug.

Exactly. Everyone else is like, I don't know. Google my name. Jesus. It's true. It's true. Thank you for indulging all of my important summer house questions. I know our listeners really wanted the tea. So, you know, it was fun to have you. And we'll tune into your pod. Talk to you soon. Hell yeah. Thanks so much, guys. Bye. Thank you. Bye.