295. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts. or watch on youtube how long gone is here it's sunday morning you're listening to this monday morning or sunday at midnight pst depending on how uh pathetic your life is or how much of a fan you are of how long gone podcast what's up oh baby it feels good i you know sunday driving over to glendale you're just dodging fat people walking their dogs groups of dorks and spandex on bikes uh it's it's and then what happened when you got to glendale uh more of the same okay are you thinking you're immune to that here no i'm just saying like it sounded like you were describing your kind of more lower-income neighborhood. You had to get through all of those hardships, and then you finally made it to the motherland. No, no, no. When I came over here to the suburbs, it's the same thing, just with more Lexuses. That's the only difference, really. More Lexi. Lexi. There's more Lexi here and less. Human feces. Both of those seem like selling points to you. I'll take human feces over a re-skinned Toyota at a higher price, personally, but I understand that some people... Re-skinned Toyota at a higher... I like that you have... By the way, how long gone? With this unedited, raw, uncut, of course, is one of those episodes. So buckle up. It's about to be one of those motherfucking episodes. Vroom, vroom. I pulled up in the E350. So Chris said that his hatred for Lexus cars, just one of hundreds of different types of cars, is that flame is burning hotter and more dubious, murderous.

Then his hatred of stepping on human feces, looking at human feces, or smelling human feces. None of that stuff has ever happened to me. I don't walk, first of all. I exercise, and then I walk in New York where the city is designed. The valet from Sun Life Smoothie, you go, ploom, ploom, the door opens up, and he just carries you like a small baby into the front door. Actually, yesterday it was nice because the lead valet at the Grove is a bigger guy, so he could kind of really support me. Which one was it? I befriended a valet at the Grove. I'll say, I mean, I don't want to get the guy canceled, but he was a predator. A predator towards you? No, no, no. I had to defend the life of a female ally of mine. Is this a person I know? Oh, you do know them. What? Oh. Her name's Emily Oberg, and she was accosted by a valet driver at the Grove the last time we went to Cheesecake. Was he smelling her used Sporty and Rich in the back? Did he open her tennis bag and take a whiff? She's like, no, no, no, no. Don't look in there. Those clothes are all dirty. And he's like, yeah. She's like, cashmere doesn't actually smell bad. It doesn't retain the smell. He's like, you couldn't afford these clothes. And he's like, I'll pay more if they're well worn. So we were doing our bi-monthly cheesecake check-in. Side note, if you have seen the photo of the guy who has the Cheesecake Factory logo tattooed down his forearm, you don't have to send me that image anymore on Twitter or Instagram. Guys, we've told you this a thousand times. Anything you send us, we've already seen. It goes without fail. Yeah, even if we haven't seen it, we've seen it. Yeah, it's either I haven't seen it or it's not funny. There's only two categories. I mean, it was cool to see a guy who has – or actually, it could have been anyone. Is it cool? It's stupid is what it is. It's stupid. Getting a chain restaurant tattooed on your arm to commemorate all your visits to said chain restaurant is literally – like the internet has ruined our brains. It's very polar. It's like you're either –

the most interesting person in the entire world, or you're just a guy who, like, did some train hopping and, like, you used your last dime to get a pretty nice tattoo. No, this guy drives a Honda Civic that makes too much noise when it rounds a corner, 100%. Well, speaking of cars, we're back at the valet. I'm sorry, we're at the valet. Is Oberg in the G or? Oberg's in the G, wagon. There's a little bit of a nip in the air, sure. Okay. Cool. I didn't ask about the weather, but thank you. That kind of puts me in a place. Did a couple laps around the train tracks. Of course. Cheesecake can get a little heavy. It'll kind of sit. And we did have the sundae. And I'll say it again. The sundae cheesecake gets better than South Beverly Grill. But that's about where the better stuff is. We're going to get into that later. The plating. Hold me back. Hold me back. Chris, I had to tackle him just now. Sorry for the noise. And we were like, oh, we parked over here in the parking lot like the pours. And she's like, mm-mm, not me. Yeah, you don't valet at the Grove? So we walked her to the valet. Never again will I not valet, by the way. It's only a small $12 surcharge. She's a Caruso power user. That's right. Everything's free. She likes to flash the pinky ring medallion that unlocks every gate over there. I understand. She gets to use the bathroom. Of course, during COVID, the unprecedented times kind of put a little bit of a pin in that. Caruso wasn't so... Grateful for his power. No, exactly. Unfortunately, the COVID-19 pandemic was a – it put a damper on all of our loyalty programs, if you think about it. It did. I mean, I have a – don't worry. We're going to get to the sexual harassment. I have a – A gift card from Epicurious Gourmet, local North Hollywood destination. I can't wait for you to come back with $200 in cultured butter and different flavors to really step up your game in the kitchen. I got some German cacao. It's not cheap. I got a gift certificate, and I feel bad to use it because when the COVID started, it was like, everyone, go to your favorite restaurant.

local neighborhood, small business, and buy a $100 gift card and just sit on it. We need to support these. Sit on it like my sweet green stock if I were not able to. If you were able to purchase it like a brain-having person. Yeah. No, of course. Well, you have to tip your barista $100 on every latte. You have to buy gift cards for all your favorite restaurants so that the Coke-using tattooed server can continue buying Coke. Because this Jack Daniels isn't cheap, Jason. Well, what I'm wondering is, you know, they said sit on the gift card like a bond. I will see my death. I will see my last breath leave my body well before it is time to be able to use that gift card. Look, is it possible that maybe, much like the popular cryptocurrencies, it's increased in value, or do gift cards just kind of stay where they're at? Well, gift cards, they do stay where they're at. Is this a DAO? Well, I mean, it depends on if you got a gift card or a gift certificate from a local business that kind of implemented the rules and restrictions into the blockchain, which is an unbreakable chain that exists in the metaverse. Unbreakable Chain is one of my favorite 7 inches, and I'm glad that you brought that up. But I just have a piece of paper. So your Epicurious paper hasn't gone up to 105.73 or anything. It's still a flat 100. It's still a flat 50. Who gave you this? It was part of a larger bouquet of gift cards, Chris. Oh, that's nice. So somebody really wanted to support local businesses. Shout-out to my man Andy Nauman, friend of the show. He got a – Oh, that's right. This was a myriad of gifts. That's very nice of him. Yeah, we got Epicurious. Also, for a New Yorker to even know to go to Epicurious to get the gift card, that's the gift in itself. I wonder who told him that. Is there a food fluencer in this room? He did give us a cookbook gift card as well. Please believe. That thing didn't even go into the wallet. It was just straight.

Lauren Sherman and Dan Frommer's house, and they had some delicious potato chips on the table before dinner. I was like, are these Jose Andres chips? They are. They're from cookbook. They were taken out of the bag? Yes. Were they in a Heath Ceramics Bowl? Yes. Okay. What flavor? Plain. Before dinner, chips have to be plain. Okay. Maybe just a little kiss of Herbes de Provence. Well, that's fine, of course. Nothing further than that. We're not going to do black truffle pepperoni salami flavor. I just love that you can only buy Jose Andres potato chips at Cookbook. And how much more do they cost than regular chips? Probably not that much. No, it's like a dollar more. They're delicious. You get three chips in a bag. But every city in the world has that one store that has that bag of Jose Andres motherfucking chips from 2014. So as a gentleman, I say, Oberg, I'll walk you to your valet. Yeah. We're at the Grove. It's a great outdoor mall. But there has a string of robberies there. Is the sexual harassment when you put your arm around Oberg, walk you to the valet, and she's like, what the fuck are you doing? We're just friends. And I would like us to stay that way. You're not really my type. You're poor. There is that. That did come into play. But I was not the one on the – On the offense. I was not on the – You're not Pat Mahomes in this situation. I guess that's a football player. I don't do straight stuff. So do the key, do the handoff, do the hug, bye-bye. And then the guy, the older gentleman at the valet, he would not stop talking to her and just like trying to pick her up. But he was like a grandfather. Like he worked at the valet or he was a customer? No, no. He was wearing a vest with a name tag on it. Like he was a valet there. You could tell he'd been working there forever. and he was talking, and he's like, oh, beautiful girl in a G-Wagon. Isn't that every third customer? Maybe he saw something in her. We all do. Absolutely. But he wouldn't stop talking to her, followed her to her car, wouldn't let her shut the door, was still trying to talk to her, and I had to go in and physically be like, okay, time to go.

put my arm and like you had to big dog this valet well it was it wasn't like in uh this is getting weird you're a pro it was it was like an older guy and it was clearly like kind of harmless he didn't think he was actually gonna beat but he just wanted the combo to continue he probably used to really get a lot of stank on his hang low back in you know 68 so he might have he might have blasted chris jenner in the fucking restroom at the caruso property it's not the question i thought chris yeah I fucked Chris at the Bloomingdale's hodry department. Oh, Chris, Chris, the mom. Yes, yeah, I beat. Well, I like that you did every voice, every accent. Well, because you don't know who it is. You don't know. I don't know what this guy's accent is. I need to represent all of them. Oh, I know what he was. He was leaning more on the Latinx folks and less of whatever the fuck Egyptian shit you did. Shout out to all our Egyptian listeners. We're big in Cairo, much like the pyramids. You're more of a schtinks. So I had to – I didn't big dog him. I didn't puff my chest out and be like – Well, that wouldn't have worked much because he'd be like, damn, is there a pigeon out here somewhere? Rick said I'm starting to get some chasms in the armpit. His words, not mine. Rick will say whatever he's got to say to keep taking our money, and I'll give it to him because it works. Yeah, I walk in. I'm like, that Chris on the – Chris, that's his name? Chris, you do the podcast with? It's getting so fat and stupid. You're so – Have you – I mean – I don't know. You must have put on 10, 15 pounds of pure muscle mass, Jason. And you go and sit down. Oh, Jason, he's so fat and stinky and stupid. Sweet. You're so stronger. So stronger. And I'm like, he only tipped me 20 last time. I hope you do better. I welcome the competition, personally. But I'm glad that you're there to protect Oberg from this menace. Yeah, man. But, you know, the valet yesterday was bumping in a way that there was no time to even sexually harass me. So I thank God. In and out. Thank God for that. And you know what? We didn't walk. You didn't even have time to browse the Il Stiva boutique? No, we didn't even. We didn't. We didn't. But, bro, by the way, I forgot because you mentioned the new Apple store. My God. The new Apple store where? At the Grove. It's insane. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really crazy. Like, it's beautiful.

Like I was like, I need to buy a $25 brick. I remember going in there when it first opened and that glass staircase in the middle, every pervert's dream. But the trees, I mean, it's like full size trees. Like I don't. It looks like an artist's rendering of what an Apple store in the future in Oslo, Norway will look like. That's exactly what it looks like. It looks like an artist's rendering of a European store 20 years from now. But instead, this is across the train tracks from a Cheesecake Factory and a Wetzel's Pretzels. Hey, don't forget Lululemon. I'm Luluhive. We checked out some of the other local establishments. I posted this on Twitter, but I went to Barnes & Noble, of course, just to get a little... you know, a dash of nostalgia for my youth where I was shoplifting and reading and reading and shoplifting. You picked up a little Joni on vinyl. So there was a full, you know, before you get to the magazines, there's a full display rack of this genre of magazine that I obviously, I know it's, we'll get into this, but I know it's been around, but it's taken over the grocery stores as well as now the bookstores where it's like these magazines that are just featuring one subject. So I'm going to go left to right here. So there's going to be one subject like astrology. No, no, no, no. State capital. One person. Justin Bieber, Nick Jonas, Mariah Carey, Lady Gaga, Harry Styles, Stevie Nicks, the Eagles. Two of the Eagles. Whitney Houston, Miley Cyrus, Notorious B.I.G., Lennon and McCartney, ABBA, Jon Bon Jovi, Johnny Cash, Jimmy Buffett. Who is buying Jimmy Buffett the magazine? So I post this, and I'm like, this is the darkest shit. And, of course, people are like, well, this has actually been around since the early 2000s. Somebody was like, I used to get the Olsen ones and take the clippings and sell them on eBay. I'm like, first of all, you need to keep that to yourself because that's fucking loser behavior. I made $7 a year doing that. Second of all, it's like, yes, guys, I know this has existed, but it did not exist in the way where there was 40 copies.

Before you could look at regular magazines at a bookstore. Everyone's got to have an opinion about everything. Even a little photo that you took of a magazine rack. And that means that you're powerful. And it's depressing. But the Grove, on the other hand, is heaven on earth. Well, that magazine rack, it got me thinking. Because I saw that photo. And it is obviously a genre of magazines. that you kind of see at a grocery store, and it's like every month there's a new magazine full of old Beatles photos. Yes. You pay some guy. The Beatles are back. I don't know if you know. Yeah, I saw that. Thanks to Disney Plus. Yeah. Apple Plus. I don't fucking know. No, it's Disney, I think. But, you know, you pay somebody $200. They get a bunch of photos of the Beatles on the Internet. You know, you get them cleared or whatever, and then you sell 50,000 copies across the country. It's terrible. It's stupid. But I don't think you can call them magazines because it's sort of just like a biopic. It's a fan book. But these other people were like, this is how Conde Nast is staying in business producing these. I'm like. Conde makes those? I think. I don't know. But I'm like, you guys are all fucking dorks. They did the diddy in one. Like, you're thinking way too hard about this. It's just bad. Let's not try to. Like, there's no reason to justify it. Like, unless you own these and you're feeling personally attacked that you have the Elton John fan mag. Like, why do you. Why are you defending this? It's just it's weird and bad. I think it's because we're all wound up. We're just wound up as fuck, and then every little thing is an opportunity to have a release. I mean, I'm the biggest. Obviously, I'm guiltier than most. Of course, of course. But that's not your fault or anyone's fault. Everyone needs to take a big old deep breath and be like, is this something that I need to reply to with, you know, I'm going to defend Conde Nast. I'm going to offend a multinational conglomerate media company because they make like a Jonas Brothers magazine, and it sells more than National Geographic. Thank God, and it should. Nature is still boring. I don't care how good the pictures of the frogs are. You know what I mean? Come on, bro. See, back in the 70s, 80s, National Geographic, that was a cool match. It's a legendary magazine with legendary photos. I never want to look at one, but it's –

Legendary. I completely agree. Young TJ got to see some of his first yabos of his entire life, thanks to National Geographic. You're not going to see that in a Taylor Swift magazine at Walmart. We're never going to see Taylor Swift's yabos, that's for sure. That's the damn truth. Damn, that's a lot right there. We don't have time to get into that. There's some websites where you can find some artists. dramatizations of what they might look like though, Chris. That is, yeah, that like, are you talking about the green M&M or Taylor Swift? No, you have to look a little bit deeper on the web. Because I did see the green M&M's titties this week. Is that right? Yeah, there's an artist rendering of the titties. There's probably a plenty. Yeah, it's really funny. What's that green M&M doing though? I don't know. It's lower? I mean, I think that whatever happened with that stuff and how stupid it was and the debate it caused, it really did. Like that to me is something that is just completely funny and like it got intellectualized so fast in this way that I'm like, damn, it's really bad out here. Like this is just a corporation doing something dumb and it's only funny. There's no other way to look at it. All of the world needs to just go to Sea Ranch for a weekend. Well, unfortunately, Jason, the way that. Our bosses at Spotify are behaving. We're not getting off the hook anytime soon. See, that's the number one thing that everyone in our bubbled silo of the world is focusing on, and it's an onion that's got a lot of layers to peel. Just when you thought it was over... Yesterday I see the announcement from Stereogum that Neil Young's auxiliary percussionist has removed his music from Spotify. so i just i saw one that said phoenix tx is doing it i mean it's just i mean we've talked about it a lot but it's not going away because people are so like but i i sent you guys this story from it was from the atlantic a while back and it very it feels very timely now but about how like boycotting

boycotts can't be a test of moral purity like it's like it like what does this really mean and like all the people that are enraged about spotify and what's going on absolutely use amazon absolutely buy apple products absolutely shop at fucking zara and it's like we all just pick our bat we all just pick our battles and decide what's important to us right and you're using using a device yeah promote boycotting a product and you're using that very product as a way to promote boycotting that product yeah it's just like it's a perfect flywheel so you're gonna go so you're gonna go to apple music you're gonna go to amazon music like you're gonna use title like okay dude like sure it's all the same you gotta pick the battles and you know it used to be like a real spectrum, and now it's kind of a cliff of like you have to be full Luddite, like cassette deck, tapes, fully off the grid, no internet, flip phone at the very most, you know, TV, antenna, the three basic channels. Like you have to be so off the grid or else. You're just as guilty. You're just as big of a cog on the wheel as everyone else. To achieve premium wokeness, you must live in the desert off the grid. Only listen to vinyl on a high end. Yeah. Obviously. You have to buy a Thomas guide when you want to figure out where you're going to go. And when you want to buy an airplane ticket, you have to walk to a travel agent and sit at a desk. What happened to Chris? Oh, he died in the desert. He was trekking. to the travel agent to book a flight, and he didn't make it. He was trying to drink one of his gallons, but unfortunately he had to boycott Whole Foods because it was bought by Amazon, and he didn't want to use the plastic. So he did unfortunately die. He did unfortunately die in the desert. Isn't it so cool that just the generation right before us would just walk down the street to a travel agent with a purse full of crisp $20 bills and be like, all right, your flight to Brussels is $498 and $20?

40? 60? Yeah. So cool. Exactly. Now I have to close some apps so my phone runs a little faster and hit the Delta application and then use my face to log in. Yeah, now I just booked a trip to Mexico City. And... Jason continues to be part of the problem. Staying at... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm spreading. Staying at... No, no. I'm not talking about spreading. Staying at a hotel. It's like a place you can stay the night. You're saying like a chamber room? That's right. They have a shower and stuff for you? Is it shared? I don't know if it's shared or not. The word next to it was communal. I don't know what that means. I thought you spoke Espanol. Communal. Oh, communal. They're one of my favorite interior design firms, but also... Communal. Okay. I get to share it with some other compadres. Yeah, yeah. Mexico City communal showers is just white people from New York and L.A. with tattoos. They're like, mole, mole, mole. How old is this mole? Where's the mother mole from? Did you have crickets on your taco? It's fucking crazy, dude. Dude, if I get drunk enough tonight, I'll eat a cricket taco. Damn, bro. I'm sorry to hear this, but I'm excited that you're going on a little holiday because I know you're stressed out. You need a back rub from your main thing. You've been stressed out. No, well, I can't de-stress from life any further than I did last weekend in Sea Ranch. That was the ultimate de-stressing. Maybe too much. So Mexico City, it's not going to be a de-stressing. I'm going to be working. I'm just going to be working and eating tostadas. That's pretty much it. So the food will be better. And the accommodations, no shots at your home will be better. Yeah. Just because there's room service and stuff. I don't know if it's that kind of place. Four Seasons. Oh, I thought it was a continental breakfast. I thought it was like a Hilton kind of. No, I got a great discount at the Four Seasons thanks to a friend of the show. But, you know, I will have to sort of fake that I work at a company to get this rate.

So I don't know how far. Are you saying that how long gone LLC is not a real company? Because let me tell you something. It's recognized by the Better Business Bureau as well as our friends at the IRS. After what we said about Salesforce, some of the kind of bigger fish upstream. Are not fucking with you like that? They pulled a few strings, so we're not able to kind of move around. What if we talked about Salesforce and then got a letter from like the Georgia state government saying we had been unincorporated? Sorry, I don't know what happened. Your paperwork, unfortunately, it was incorrect. But, sir, we did this a year and a half ago. And they're like, if you guys have problems managing your team or your payroll or anything, I do recommend using Salesforce as your CRM system. I recommend Salesforce as a CRM system. I'm excited for you to go on your little trip. And I want to go on a trip, too. But nothing sounds appealing, really. Nothing ever sounds appealing, that's for sure. You're fucking telling me, Chief. The problem that I think I have noticed is maybe it's a male or female trait or some kind of depressed or happy trait. I don't know what the difference is, but the idea of a vacation sounds good in theory. At one point, I'm going to be laying on the beach drinking a drink out of a coconut, and it's going to be hot and sunny and cool and perfect. But as soon as it's like, hey, here's the tickets, here's the hotels, then it's like, now I have so much homework to do just to prepare. I have to choose which bikinis I'm putting in the Louis Vuitton carry-all. I'm not talking about that. I have to decide Espadrilles or Javianas or Birkenstocks. I agree, Jason. Our lives are hard. You have to either stay the same. We live in our home where all of our stuff is. Our cars, our clothes, our food, our showers. Wow, multiple cars. Do you hear this guy speaking from yet again? I was talking about you and I.

And our listeners who are lucky enough to be privileged to be a car owner. All of your stuff is here. You know where it is. You know exactly what it is. All the things you like are there. You don't have to get a babysitter. You don't have to book an Uber. You don't have to do any of this shit. We have a driver, Jason. Don't lie. You have to get a dog sitter. That's bro. But I guess it is. Yeah, so. Every time it's like, oh, we're going on vacation. Isn't it so cool? I got a great deal at the Four Seasons, and we got a great Delta flight. We got upgraded because of our thingy. This is going to be a great trip, but then it's like the dog sitter is going to cost more than the flight. My favorite part of our relationship is that I literally am the perfect candidate to come take care of these dogs, and there's no way in hell I would ever do it. And there's no way in hell anyone would ever ask me for anything. I got the time. I got the car to drive over here. We obviously have a trust between us where the keys are no big deal. But nobody asked me, and that's why I know I'm winning. Charlie Sheen voice. Chris Black is not going to pick up dog shit. No, I'm not. I'm not. But I just think that it makes me feel good that I can still be a good friend and not be considered for anything like that as a task. Yeah, because you're that one friend who has it perfectly figured out. Every group has one friend who's like, Whenever you need something, don't ask me. Everyone understands it, but the difference is that's oftentimes like, oh, that's annoying. Like, oh, you want to stay at my house? No. You want to ride from the airport? No. I'm moving. Can you help me move? We'll get pizza. We'll go to Side Pie. I'll get some Pliny the Elders. We'll make it fun. And you're like, no. But everyone's like, okay, so that guy's kind of selfish, kind of a dick. But you are like, you can't stay at my house. Booked you a hotel room. Not going to walk your dogs. Got you a dog walker. That's true. Whatever the problem is, not only do you throw money at the problem, you throw enough money. You know the right amount of money to throw at the problem to where you're like, okay, this is great. There's no issue. There's no resentment of like.

You know, he didn't help me move. But you will be like, yeah, I hired two movers on TaskRabber. They'll be at your house to help move your ugly dresser. That's how it's got to be done. That's how it's got to be done because there's not an amount of Grateful Dead pizza that could satiate me at 39 years old to lift your bed frame. There's just no way. There's just no way. There's nothing more disrespectful than asking someone to help you move. Well, at a certain age. What's the age cutoff? It depends on how much money you have. It depends on how much money you have. It depends on where you went to school and stuff like that. Yeah, exactly. Help you move. What does that mean? I don't understand. I've never done that before. My dad always had these guys that would do that for us. Wait, we do that? They had a big truck and they were hot. So it's been a little chilly lately, of course. And I don't know if you noticed, Chris, but I'm wearing heat tech. On the top and on the bottom. Jason looks insane. I don't understand why you're dressed like this. You're wearing a short-sleeved polo shirt with heat tech underneath and then shorts with heat tech leggings underneath. I'm wearing black leggings and black armings under a polo shirt and some Arctic shorts. I look like Julia Fox playing golf. You wish you were that thick. Julia Fox playing golf. Trump, on a Trump course. Of course. Let's be honest. Of course, of course. But after the ass shots have been surgically removed. Oh, I understand. So the Brazilian butt lift is gone. All you have left is your hacky fucking swing. And you're out there. My hacky swing. My violin cello cutout back tats. You have the... When I bend down to pick the ball out of the hole, you can see a little bit of that violin back. Violin tramp stamp that she has? Does she have a tattoo on her side? No, you know the two little inlay marks that you see on a violin or a cello or something like that? Yeah, that's like the thing that hardcore chicks used to do with the bows on the back of the thighs. They'd still be doing that. That's the equivalent. If you got the stocking bow tattoo on the back of the thighs or the two cello cutouts on the back of the lower back, you already know Head Game is going to be brazy.

If she has that, it's like, can't bring her home to mama, RIP Donda. But what you can do is bring her to, you know, the Soho house downtown. Yeah, down DTLA. Donda 2 in store soon. And I tell you what, I can wait. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and that are just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web. So do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world. writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative, but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools.

So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. I'm all set. Kanye said wait on it, and you said gladly. No problem. You pulled out a chair, a good book. You let me know when it's ready. More tea? Yeah, yeah. I'll be right here. You just keep me – no rush, no rush. If there's a word for cozy that's more cozy than cozy, that's me, buddy. I'm all set, chief. God damn it.

So, yes, that is my look right now. Maybe, I mean, I feel kind of like, you know, it's a little blue manny. It's a little French mime. I'm not even mad at it. It's just like 74 degrees and beautiful outside. So it seems like overkill. It is now. Yeah, no, of course, when we get up at the crack of dawn, it's chilly outside. Yeah, it was like 46 this a.m. You know, I'm running. You and I run cold. We've talked about that a zillion times. That's true. I would like to go over our. our meal last night. Oh, we will. But actually that, that Atlantic article you're talking about, I read it and I did see a lot of, there's a lot of good through lines. No, it's really interesting. It's really timely. The final line of, of the piece said, don't boycott them, replace them. Yeah. Which, uh, you know, so don't boycott Spotify, replace Spotify with what? Apple music. Don't boycott How Long Gone. Well, that example doesn't work because Apple Music has been trying and failing to replace Spotify for 10 years now. Of course. No, then it has to be Bandcamp, of course, my favorite. Bandcamp Fridays. Support your local independent artists. I don't know if we're ever going to find a replacement for something like that. No, our country is built on giant corporations and them having an absolute death grip over our lives and how we spend our money. Has there ever been a time where something like that has just... straight up been replaced i don't know if that's ever happened in our time it's not going to happen it's crazy like it's not gonna happen there's no way spotify i mean maybe a little bit with some decentralized dow blah blah blah no i mean people can chip away at this stuff but like it's too big to fail and it's also like they them it's it's like these artists that are leaving are are don't matter that's what i said the other day it's like this isn't no one cares about this like no one like Sure, I like Joni Mitchell. How often am I listening to Joni Mitchell? Let me tell you something. As much as Drake's getting listened to, it's all good. Key Glock is getting listened to more than Joni Mitchell and Neil Young combined. And Key Glock is like, what? He don't give a fuck. He's not getting off Spotify. He doesn't even know what Spotify is.

That's true. He just uploads his music to YouTube. The other thing with these guys is they're like, well, the labels control it. The labels are the problem, too. It's like, okay, well, yeah, let's destroy Sony while we're at it. Let's start with Spotify, and then we'll get Sony out of here, and then we'll be good to go. Okay, so for all of these conglomerates, your Amazons, your Spotifys, your Airbnb, your Uber, all these things that are too big to fail, which is the one that you want? what what what you have a target on their head you want to take down uber fuck uber i want to go back to cabs oh okay i think that was a we had a better society when every guy that smells bad could buy a used camry and lock you in it and fucking drive you somewhere like it's crazy it's when you think about i just i feel like cab drivers it was a different and obviously like when you go to london and the The black cab drivers have to pass that test and have the insane knowledge of the city. It's just such an impressive and beautiful thing. And they make real money. It's like a career. Yeah. It's like human. It was a job that had respect. Yeah. They're like humanizing. I would say even like a yellow cab in New York can have that feel still. But you tell me a time when you've gotten in a fucking lift and you felt like these guys don't know where they're going. They're looking at their map. They're fucking watching YouTube videos on their phone the whole time. It stinks. Okay, the problem, there's two call-outs here. London and New York, those are like cities where cabs work very well. No, that's true. That's true. Everywhere else in America other than New York City is fucked. But the thing is in LA, if you call an Uber in LA, it's taking 15 minutes to get to you anyway. So it's not like it's more efficient than calling 4-4-4-4-4-4-4 and getting in a fucking cab and going. You know what I mean? It is more efficient is the problem. That's why it was an industry that was ready and willing to be disrupted. Yeah, no, and I understand that it worked for a while. I think it has stopped working. Yeah, I mean, it would be great if that went back to the way it was before and we had a trusted cab driver to take us everywhere, but that's never going to happen, bro. No, it's never going to happen, but you know what else is never going to happen?

Spotify ain't going away. Apple Music ain't going away. Amazon ain't going away. And they're just going to keep buying stuff. And they're all evil, but resistance is futile. Yeah, I feel torn because I do like the spirit of, you know, revolution, punk rock, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But also there was a pretty big win for podcasting in general versus also torn because I'm a DJ slash podcaster. No, it's true. And right when I kind of move away from the music world, fully into the podcast world is when this happens i don't want to say it's the gone effect but the similarities and the timeline kind of adds up i would agree and i think you've probably picked the two worst careers of anyone i've ever met and i'm sorry that they keep coming for you like this jason but luckily talent rises to the top and that's why since i'm so talented these careers picked me not not the other way around chris oh shit you ever think about that dumbass Piece of fucking shit. All right. Let's talk about where we had dinner last night. People like it when we talk about food. I know. I wish they didn't. But no, we did go to famed Hillstone Group restaurant, South Beverly Grill. Beautiful Beverly Hills, California. First time we had ever been there. Yeah. Thank you to the homie Jacob for getting our reservation at a normal time. Yeah. We didn't have to do the 540. We had the 545 and I had to hit the plug to get the 715. You know what I'm saying? Which was kind of odd because I... I saw the 545 and Bay was like, should we do that? And I was like, that's going to light Chris's eyes up. Honestly, if it wasn't like a Saturday night, I would have. But I was like, I also, when I'm going to a new place, I mean, new to me, I want to see what the scene's like. You know what I mean? So as I assumed, it was rich Armenian teenagers and Yeezys as well as geriatric Jewish guys with their families. Yeah, that was definitely the vibe. Great for me. You know, 30% Jewish people days away from death who have been going there for the last 30 years. Terrible servers. I mean, treating servers terribly and all that stuff. There's an old lady behind me who was trying to hand the server her check while he was taking our order. And she didn't think that that was wrong. Our server was great. He was great.

The whole experience was pretty fucking good, I have to say. But it made me pissed off to be like, oh, all these shitty teens, like, hating everything, looking at their phones, wearing essential sweatpants and easies, just like, oh, I have to be here. And it's like, it's a place that we are excited to go to. Agreed. We're so jaded over there in Beverly Hills. Look, man, that's what happens. If you eat cake every day, you don't want cake anymore. You know what I mean? Yeah, the vibe is funny, but those places are just run well. It's fucking pro, man. You're not waiting on anything. The guy's funny and cool and fast. It's like you can be in and out of there in 45 minutes. You can stay for two hours and the experience is good on both sides. They got the game on. They got the game on. Yeah, it's nice to be in a place like that that's flowing. Flowing well. It has a vibe of like a Din Tai Fung or an In-N-Out where like wherever you go, whatever time of the day, wherever in the world. It's going to be just like this. No, and I mean that's what – obviously that's why the chain in theory works, but it's been done so poorly and replicated so badly. A lot of people can chain. Not many can chain perfectly. Exactly, exactly. Just Din Tai Fung. You have to run it like a communist country is the problem. Din Tai Fung is fucking crazy. To have that level of consistency, what's the downside? You know who else is consistent? North Korea. Great point. And I'm not saying we back them or anything, but they are consistent. They're shooting off more missiles than we are. Yeah, they have a bigger missile repertoire. And last night, I would say that the veggie burger at South Beverly Grill is one of the finer heat-seeking missiles. I thought you were going to go like... You know, the Scud missile. Remember the Scud missile? Oh, Scud. Big Desert Storm vibe on the Scud. That thing was huge. And I would describe the jumbo shrimp in the cocktail as Scud-like. Scud sounds like it. That was a knife and fork sized jumbo shrimp. Scud, unfortunately, makes me think of an app where I'm going to get jerked off by a guy. Scud. Yeah, that's like, because it's close to Scuzz. Scuff. Scruff. Okay, there's Scruff.

And then scud is what comes out of your urethra after you've scruffed. Oh, baby. Scudded. I'm going to scud. But, yeah, the shrimp cocktail was delicious, and the shrimp were truly jumbo. Because sometimes they're misadvertised as jumbo. You're like, this shouldn't be jumbo, Chief. It had me wondering, suspecting performance-enhancing drugs or a GMO-style shrimp. You know, it was like the trans weightlifter. Used to be a woman, now it's a man. And it's putting up too much weight. No, that jumbo shrimp was putting up 225, no problem. On the pec deck. No problem, 225. On the pec deck? Those shrimp were, but they tasted great. And I would say that the cocktail sauce did have a nice kick to it, which I always look for. My jumbo had a little waste product aftertaste to it. I didn't get that, really, honestly. That's, you know, it's like the, it's like the Shishita one in 10 is going to. Oh, I see. But no, I mean, the food is good. I mean, I go to all the Hillstone group restaurants, of course, for the handmade veggie burger that is made from vegetables and not genetically engineered fake meat. And they do the best one. Shout out to Burger Lords. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out to Burger Lords. Those guys do a good one. Well, Burger Lords, you can't, you know, it's actually fuck. Burger Lords is. probably better because you can get the nuggets, but they don't have the sexy atmosphere. That's true. And they don't have spinach artichoke dip. No, they don't. That new buffalo chicken shit, though, looks crazy. It does. It does. It looks crazy. Just as an aside, the deviled eggs, I did not like the deviled eggs. That was the only thing I didn't like. It's your fault for ordering a nasty food. Devil's egg is one of my favorite foods of all time, but I like a smooth kind of a palm puree. And this one was chunky. It was like oatmeal cookie batter before it goes in the oven. Jesus Christ, that's disgusting. And on the menu, it said it was adorned with Ding's relish. Is that a known? What's that pickle shit you like from Boston, the hardcore pickles? Grillo's? Is that like a Grillo's thing? No, I think Ding is just an employee. Oh, cool.

But Ding's been back there for 25 years. He gets his own. I've never heard of a pickle relish brand called Ding's. And I was telling my life partner last night, it sounds like a racist word. It does sound racist. It sounds like a slur to our friends in the East. Oh, yeah, I agree. In North Korea. I was taken aback by the artichoke seasonality. And the artichoke is limited edition. So in Atlanta, at Elmira, my favorite burrito place, they would have a queso dip, and they would call it seasonal. And I think it was just like, we don't feel like doing this sometimes, so if you order it, we're just not going to have it for you. Seasonal queso dip? Which is very cool. And I don't eat queso dip because it's fucking disgusting. But it's like a funny thing. And I feel like South Beverly Grill is on that wave with a seasonal artichoke. Oh, artichoke. I mean, that's an actual vegetable that. I understand. But if you go to if you go to if you go to if you go to if you go to Hillstone, I bet you they got artichokes year round is what I'm trying to say. Oh, you mean like Houston's? Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's changed. There's no more Houston's. It's Hillstone. No. Yes. No, no, no. Yes. They've they've rebranded. OK, well. Somebody should tell the Houston's in Pasadena that. No, I mean, are you sure it's not called Hillstone now? I'm more sure than you are, but I'm not 100%. Okay, interesting. That's why we talk about this in the podcast. I'm going to do Google Street View. I'm going to drive by there. As soon as we're done with this podcast, I'm going to drag you by the ear. Boy, we're going to go, look at this. Just as I suspected. But it was a delicious meal and a good experience. It was, it was. They have goat cheese olives, not blue cheese olives. It's kind of interesting. The problem with the blue cheese, the blue cheese holds its shape when it's underwater. The goat starts to get a little clouding up the water. It's a little more of a loose product compared to a blue cheese. This is so disgusting. Everything about an olive stuffed with any sort of stinky cheese is disgusting. Olives are one of the worst. I couldn't be less interested. You're hating on olives now? Oh, I couldn't be less interested. You've got a beautiful Spanish.

Green olive. I'm not chewing on that shit and then spitting out a pit. Chris. A really good olive. I don't like pit bulls. I don't like pit barbecue. I don't like pits for my olives. Let me tell you. Congrats to Rafael Nadal for winning the Australian Ocean. One of our greatest Spaniards in a five and a half hour grudge match. And he is a lover of olives and olive oil. You want to know why his skin looks like a fucking Kenny Rogers Roasters? Because he's rich. Because he's putting all kinds of expensive olive oils on his skin. I didn't watch, obviously, because it's Australia. It was a crazy time. So they did this five-and-a-half-hour match, which is fucking brutal. It's hot as fuck. They have cameras in the backstage, basically. And they go in there after the match, and they always like to cool down. But because they're this level of athlete, they don't just sit down and have a Gatorade. So he does five and a half hours, wins the match, goes back there, and spins on the exercise bike, like keeping his body moving to cool it down to prevent injury. So he doesn't get the bends, as it were. Exactly, which is fucking insane. Meanwhile, Medvedev's ass is back there. He just puts his legs up on the wall like you. He just scoots his butt up to the wall. He's like, I've got to get this. I've got to get the blood out of here. You know what I'm saying? Interesting. Yeah. Well, and you see who won. I'm sure Medvedev did a similar thing. Maybe that's something we should start doing, Chris. I mean, it's just, although I consider myself to be an amateur athlete of sorts, the time commitment to that is, yeah, recovery is exceptional time-wise. Let's talk about the sundae over there. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. You loved the sundae, didn't you? It was served in a coffee cup. Was it? Yeah. I mean, it's your fault for ordering a sundae. I think the thing there is key lime pie, correct? Yeah, but I don't know. I'm not a key lime lover unless it's from Joe Stone Crab or Fat and Flower. I've been key lime pilled. I'm sure it's fine, though. There was sushi there. Sushi was pretty fun. Yeah. I mean, I would rather go to a restaurant like that with you than go to some eater-rated trash. Yeah.

I probably would, too. It's just not fun. I'm starting to feel bad about talking shit on restaurants and the service a little bit. Really? That's literally the only thing I see you do. I know. I know. But the problem isn't me. The problem isn't the restaurants. It's not the critiquing. It's just the bigger picture. It's the same thing as the Spotify versus Neil Young. They're using that to have two sides argue with each other. whoever's pulling the strings up he's getting rich and this it's the same thing you know it's like the reason why restaurants are are doing poorly is not their fault it's not our fault it's just the system is making the whole thing so difficult that it's so foolish to just open a restaurant well yeah so difficult to do it It's sort of like, why are you guys doing this? It's so hard. And they're like, this is what I love. This is what I believe in. I read Anthony Bourdain books. And I'm going to be a restaurateur. It's my dream job to feed people. And I can make money doing this to be great. And it's so, so, so, so, so difficult. Yeah, but that's not my fucking problem. I mean, so is what we're doing. And people shit on us all the time, too. That's just what the deal is. Yeah, but I agree. But is it bad to critique it? No, I don't like this. No. Do we need to critique it? I don't like this attitude of like, we have to be nice because it's hard. It's like that's not – life is fucking hard. If you do something in a public way, then you're opening yourself up to critique, and that's just the deal. That's just what the deal is. I don't care if it's your life's work. I don't care if you put all your savings into it. That's not my fucking problem. Yeah, I guess because you talk to anyone, any chef, any restaurateur, any person. They hate it too. The one thing every single person says, like, hey, I'm thinking about opening a restaurant. What's one piece of advice you give me? And every single person says don't do it. Yeah. Terrible idea. Not joking, not saying this to be cute and fun and have like an irreverent answer to your question.

Don't do it. It's so bad. You're going to lose $800,000. The beauty of restaurants, and what I like about them, is the barrier of entry is still high. Whereas with music or podcasting, you shit something out, you put it online, and people can tell you it's good or bad overnight. Restaurants, it does require a lot more, and the stakes are a lot higher, which is why I think critique is even more necessary. But it stinks. I know. I did that. I really did that. But that's why it's so much – it's so heartbreaking, and it's also so funny. It's bad that I get pleasure about driving down the street and seeing a new restaurant that's being built, and you see like, oh, they're spending – you know, these hundreds of thousands of dollars and they're redoing the plumbing in this building and the, the air wars are uneven. Oh fuck. They're just doing all this stuff. And you see the guy, you know, over, over time it gets more and more and you're like, Oh, that looks ugly. Oh, that's what they're going to use. That's the tile there. Oh, they're painting it purple. Okay. And it gets worse and worse. And then you see like the name of the restaurant and it's like selfie cafe or like about last night or like there's a hashtag in the name of the restaurant. And I get high knowing that someone is going to lose millions of dollars off of this. Like, oh, it's so fun to see failure on that more epic scale. I don't want to see anybody fail necessarily. Of course not. But I do think that like – Why do I like it? I just like restaurateurs like hating critics and like, you know, it's just like, bro, you should have done something else then. I don't know what to tell you. That's what you signed up for. Just barbecue in your backyard for your family. Yeah. That's it. I mean, we went to John and Vinny's and the food was fucking delicious, but I had to listen to literally J. Cole. It's crazy. I'm going to talk shit on that forever. That doesn't affect their bottom line. Those guys are rich. They're making a fortune because the food is good. It's fine. It doesn't matter. We all have fun. Yeah. They like it.

I also, like, it's your restaurant. You do what you want to do with it. It's my choice to come here or not. Yeah. Like, you shouldn't change things because assholes like me are saying that they don't want to hear. Maybe they should. No, it's part of their bad brand is rap music. Because if the food is good enough, the brand doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. That's true. Or if it ain't broke, don't fix it. We've been playing J. Cole since the first day we opened and I've been printing money and I just bought my fourth house. Yeah, this works. It's also funny. I want to complain about it. I think it's funny to complain about it. I do too. You know what I mean? It doesn't matter because I'm still like, damn, this is fucking good. And I also feel like it's worth paying for. I don't feel like I'm getting ripped. You know what I mean? I don't feel like I'm overpaying. At what point in your life or at your age will you go and then... Like put earplugs in very ceremonially so everyone sees you putting earplugs in. I'm not far away from that. I mean, a friend of the show, Mike McCoy, would go to a spin class and just have his – he's like, oh, no, I just bring my own. I don't. Damn, that's good. He's like, I put AirPods in and I just do my thing. I don't. That's a great idea. I know, it's great. That's the one, because I used to love doing a spin class. The music is so bad, always. But when you get bad music, I would walk out all the time, and it would be such a bummer. Except for Parker. You know Parker is Soho, SoulCycle. The only one with the tunes. What is Parker playing? He plays actual good shit that's current. He would play the new Charlie XCX, and then he would play the Killers for me, because he is from Utah. Maybe I'm a little biased on that, but, you know, it's still, it's cool, you know? It's good. He works for you. He works for me, yeah. But I don't think that, I don't think that, but I will say the experience at a South Beverly Grill is probably better than most. Yeah. Overall, overall. Like, the food is always good. What I get there is good. Like, when I go there to get this one thing, it's fucking good. But you seem to like the French dip. Great French dip.

I don't like that I spent $30 on a French dip, but still, it was a great French dip. I'm fine with it. That's what matters, Jason. And you had a full-bodied red. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's cool, man. My body doesn't feel that great this morning, though. Well, that's because instead of working out, you stretched, which that might be an issue. I've been going hard all week, bro. I got my sled. Are you sledding today? No, no, no. So you're sending me rolling around on the floor like a child is the extent of what you're doing today? No, I already went for a walk. Okay, continue. I need more. And then I was just doing stretching. So when's the workout happening is what I'm asking. It's not happening today. So that was the extent of the movement. I often take weekends off. Whole weekends? Well, usually one day. One day. But this week you just had to take two. It was a stressful week. I just went two. crazy this week with my new sled. That's why. So Jason bought a sled that looks like it's a dog toy. It's like a small sled. How big do you want a sled to be? Jason, a sled, when people talk about a sled in a gym, it's a sled they're pushing or pulling that is a large size and you stack heavy weights on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm only pulling it with like a rope or something, so it doesn't need to be – there's not an actual device. But the sled literally looks like you would put – it looks like something Paris Hilton would put like a small dog on and drag behind her. Okay, so because it's conveniently sized and I can move it in and out of my car and into the park, that's a bad thing? All it needs – it's a piece of metal. With a pole sticking out? No, I understand. And then you put 45 plates on it or kettlebells or whatever. You can stand on it. No, I just think it's – no, no. I just like the – You want it to be big. I don't need it to be big because that doesn't make sense for obviously your portable lifestyle. It doesn't make sense. But I just like that you buy – every time I come over here, there's some new –

weird piece of fitness equipment that I've like sort of seen before, but you find a bad version of it on Amazon. And I'm just like, why does he buy this stuff? Like you go to Equinox. Why do you have all this stuff? They have the stuff. None of this is at Equinox. You know why, Jason? Because it doesn't need to be. That's the whole point. There's so many gyms that have the AstroTurf set up. Yeah, of course, of course. And you do a drag, a sled. It's not at Equinox. This sled is literally, I'm not exaggerating. It's like the size of a dinner plate. It's two by two. It's two by two. Okay, so when do we move into the point where you bring that into Equinox and try to do your thing? Never. There's not enough runway. I go to the park because I'll do like a mile with it or whatever. I don't want to just go 10 feet back and forth. When you're at the park, you're basically a dog toy. Yeah. You're tossing yourself in a circle and the neighborhood dogs are chasing you, nipping at your heels. The problem is that because I do have the Amazon Prime cheap kettlebells, the rubber on the outside is like a bright blue color. So the dog thinks that it's a ball. An actual dog whistle. Because it's just a round, colorful thing that's being dragged around the grass. So little dogs will chase me around now. I have my noise-canceling AirPods on. I'm listening to a smart podcast about biohacking, and then I'll be like, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. It scares the shit out of me, these dogs. The way that you operate is baffling in a way that I don't know. For my specific knee injury that I'm recovering. I'm happy for you. Dragging a sled of 100 pounds worth of weight, walking backwards. is is doing a great job rehabilitating i'm glad i'm glad silly but it's working i'm glad that you're getting silly with it and it's and it's and it's working for you i'm happy for you i just really i'm also playing lots of tennis my favorite thing about i feel like you're basically buying stuff you get instagram ads for and that's what no no i get an instagram ad for it and then i spend eight hours finding one that's eight dollars cheaper

Made by a company called Rage Fitness or something. You're like, oh, this isn't even on Prime, but it's cheaper, so I'll wait two weeks. It comes wrapped in Subway paper, the sandwich, not the trans system. I saw a woman walking her dog yesterday with a coffee from Subway. Damn, bro. Like a Starbucks-style cup from Subway, and I was like, what happened to you? Who hurt you? Like, that's fucked up. Of all the coffee that you can get. Like, McDonald's is better than that. Oh, McDonald's is great. I mean, Arco Gas Station got better than that. Lastly, I saw a Subway commercial featuring Serena Williams, another tennis player. They're talking about how they got new bread at Subway, and they do a boom, smash cut Nancy Silverton is in the Subway commercial, and Serena Williams is like, Nancy, you just made some bomb-ass new, like, so we're meant to believe that Nancy Silverton is now making the bread at Subway. I mean, look, Nancy deserves a check. Like, fuck it. Like, you're old. Cash the fuck out. You're cool. She wears expensive clothes, Nancy. She's got to afford that. Those CDG bags, they're not cheap. This season, Marnie, you can't get that for the low. True that. But I'm like, damn. Subway bread was already perfect. The smell is intoxicating. That's why she took the job. She's like, yeah, okay, I'll be the creative director of bread at Subway. Damn, the creative director of bread. Dollar signs up. All right, Chris. How Long Gone, another great episode in the can. Thank you guys for listening. We have some great episodes coming up. Hopefully, there are going to be celebrities on here soon. We'll see. I'm good. I prefer middling writers. We'll talk about it. All right. How Long Gone, baby. We love you. Talk to you soon. Bye.